Married... with Children (TV Series)

25 Years and What Do You Get? (1995)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kelly : Daddy, what's wrong with Buck?

  Al : Well, now kids, come here. I never thought I'd be having this conversation, because frankly I didn't think I'd still be alive on this, my 40,000th anniversary... but it's time we all face facts: Buck's getting old.

  Kelly : Is he gonna die?

  Al : [looking at the bill]  Yes.

• Al : Listen kids, I need to find that necklace. If I can't find that necklace, then I can't give it to your mother. And if I can't give it to your mother, then I gotta "give it" to your mother. And if I have to "give it" to your mother... I'm gonna give it to you!

• Al : But much like a 'roid, they come back with a vengeance. That's one thing I learned from my first 800 years of marriage.

• Jefferson : Diamond necklace?

  Al : All part of my master plan to avoid having sex with the wife. See, first I take her to Denny's. She stuffs herself so full of popcorn shrimp, she lists to one side. And just before she's ready to belch "I love you," I lay this on her. Between the combination of shrimp, necklace - and the NyQuil Mickey I'll be slipping in her piña colada - she'll be unconscious, I'll be home watching midget wrestling, and the only hand down my pants will be my own.

• Peggy Bundy : Want to go upstairs?

  Al : Why not. I'm already dirty.