- [Malcolm has just beaten up a seven-year-old]
- Malcolm: I did something horrible. Don't you even care?
- Hal: Well, it's nothing to be proud of son, but you told us the whole story and he didn't give you much choice. It was an honest beating mistake.
- Reese: Besides it sends a good message to our enemies.
- Malcolm: What are you talking about? What enemies?
- Reese: Oh, they're out there. And once they know we're capable of this they'll know were capable of anything.
- Ed: That tree was older than your house. You had no right to cut it down. We're a neighborhood, and removing trees is a neighborhood decision.
- Lois: Oh, yeah - you people! For fifteen years you've mowed your lawns in the middle of the night so you don't have to talk to us. Now, what, all of a sudden we're a neighborhood?
- Hal: What's going on here?
- Ed: You've caused a blight on our street by cutting down that tree.
- Hal: How is cutting down a tree a blight?
- Ed: Because now we can see your house.
- Malcolm: [while playing catch, Malcolm misses, the ball rolls to Kevin at the side of the playground, and Malcolm shares his thoughts, speaking to the viewer] Oh, man, Kevin. I hate this guy. He's only been here for two weeks, and he's already the most obnoxious kid in the school.
- Malcolm: [to Kevin] A little help!
- Kevin: Lose your ball-y, baby?
- Malcolm: Could I please have my ball back, Kevin?
- Kevin: [mocking] Could I please have my ball back, Kevin?
- Malcolm: Come on, Kevin!
- Kevin: Come on, Kevin!
- Malcolm: De Gustibus Non Est Disputandum.
- Kevin: De koob... You Stink!