- Hal: [Using sleeping pills to get Jellybean back] These are sleeping pills, Dewey. I simply told the doctor I've been up the past few nights, things aren't going well with the wife, afraid I'm going to lose the house... Now don't you worry, son. Those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs.
- Francis: How am I ever gonna decide which one of you to take?
- Malcolm: You deliberately bought two tickets just to torment us?
- Francis: No. Of course not. I bought them to see who loves me the most. Now, I know you both love me, but I bet one of you loves me a little bit more. Come on, guys! It's Rage in the Cage. You should be happy!
- Reese: We are happy!
- Francis: You're not doing the happy dance.
- [Francis and his date are pulled over by a police officer]
- Cop #2: License and registration, please.
- Francis: Officer, what did I do?
- Cop #2: This car was reported stolen.
- Francis: Oh, it's been reported stolen, huh?
- [He digs into his wallet to find nothing but a small slip of paper saying, "IT GETS WORSE."]
- Cop #2: I'm not gonna ask you again. License and registration.
- Francis: Look, officer, I know this looks bad...
- [Francis and the cop hear banging from inside the trunk]
- Cop #2: Open the trunk, sir!
- Francis: Officer, let me explain...
- Cop #2: OPEN THE TRUNK!
- [Francis unlocks the trunk. The officer opens it and finds Malcolm and Reese lying inside, bound and gagged, their eyes shouting for help]
- Cop #2: [drawing his gun] GET OUT OF THE CAR!
- Craig Feldspar: [Dewey hears what he thinks he hears Craig's voice saying in his head while feeding the cat] Everyone likes you better than your brothers. Someday, you're going to be the president of Idaho, and anyone taller than you will be fed to the wolves.