- Hal: I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing 8 hours a day has finally paid off.
- Lois: Do you remember some times in the morning I'd forget to put juice in your lunchbox? I was lucky I could remember my own name, because when your father gets down to work and is intimate with me, he is like a skilled general invading a country. He doesn't just launch an assault be sea, he uses paratroopers and columns of infantry and even secret agents.
- [Francis pukes]