- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Ag, you know what they say here? "Live for now, for there may be no tomorrow." There's a lot to be said for that. Not for me. I've got to live for tomorrow, because for me there's no now.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: You devil. You probably bribed them to leave. You think you can have your way with me. Well, you can. Unless, of course, you'd prefer my way.
- Aggie O'Shea: You're crazy.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Thank you. I thought you'd never notice.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: [the gang is laughing around the table. They fall silent as B.J. enters] Hello. Don't stop laughing on my account. Unless, of course, you're laughing on my account.
- Father Francis Mulcahy: We were just discussing... famous baseball players.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Sure you were. And whether or not I got to first base?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: No. But let me know if you need a pinch hitter.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I hereby appoint myself as your personal man Tuesday.
- Aggie O'Shea: I always thought it was Friday.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I don't think I can wait that long.