- Colonel Chaffey: You're drunk!
- Radar: [drunkenly impersonating John Wayne] You better believe it, mister, or I'm dead where you stand!
- [points his teddy bear at the colonel and gunshot is heard in the background]
- Radar: My bear went off!
- Radar: [Drunk] Fifteen years! I'll be going to jail in my puberty and not coming out until my adultery!
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: Radar is innocent until proven guilty.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Right.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: But he - and only he - seems entitled to that consideration.
- [leaves OR]
- Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Don't you hate it when he's right?
- Major Margaret Houlihan: Frank, you stole that Colt.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: I Never
- [pause]
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: it's just that I appreciate guns...
- Major Margaret Houlihan: You lied to me Frank! That's worse than stealing!
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: Well, I happen to think stealing is worse than lying.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: And *you* did both!
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: So I ought-ta know!
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: I did a terrible thing Margaret.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: Oh
- [puts arm around Frank]
- Major Margaret Houlihan: It's alright now.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: I should have known better.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: Well, at least you regret it.
- Major Franklin Marion Burns: No, never again. When you steal something, don't ever try to return it.
- Colonel Chaffey: Corporal, I'm glad we were together when my gun was found. It couldn't have proved better that you were guiltless.
- Radar: Radar's Redundancy "And that I didn't do it either, sir."