- Father Mulcahy: I've been comparing the disparity of our callings; Doctor versus priest. You fellows are always able to see the end result of your work. I mean, you know immediately if you've been successful. For me, the results are far less tangible. Sometimes - most of the time - I honestly don't know whether I'm doing any good or not.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I used to have a professor in med school who always said, "God cures the patients, but the doctor takes the fee."
- Father Mulcahy: Do you think that's true?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I'm able to do a lot of things in surgery that I'm not really good enough to do.
- Father Mulcahy: Thanks, Hawkeye.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: [about Korean baby's mother] Can she speak English, Radar?
- Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: No, sir. But it's nice you can smile in Korean.