M*A*S*H (TV Series)

L.I.P. (Local Indigenous Personnel) (1973)

Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank Burns : [Enters the swamp]  Disgusting! Why is whenever I come in here it's disgusting?

  Hawkeye : I think that says it all Frank.

• Frank Burns : This is the last straw!

  Hawkeye : [turns to face Trapper John]  Remind me to order more straws.

• Cpl. Phil Walker : I had the cook marry us. He used to be an altar boy.

  Hawkeye : No wonder everything tastes like candles around here.

• Hawkeye : You're not married?

  Cpl. Phil Walker : Sort of.

  Hawkeye : Sort of married is like sort of a virgin.

• Hawkeye : When are you getting shipped home?

  Cpl. Phil Walker : Couple of weeks.

  Hawkeye : [sighs]  You know what's involved in getting permission to marry a Korean? It takes a couple of weeks just to find the guy who tells you it takes a year.