- Hawkeye: I never saw you as a villain before, Henry.
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: I am not a villain. I do not tie girls to buzz saws, and I don't throw banana peels in front of the old folks home.
- Trapper: [In letter] At first I thought it was the war, and this stinking place that made me... well... love him, I guess. But now I know it's more than that. The reasons aren't important. We think his parents are dead. Henry Blake wants to send him to an orphanage, and I hate the idea so much, I can't stand it.
- Hawkeye: [reading letter] "I want us to adopt him, honey. He'd be the son we never had. I know the girls would be out of their little minds to have a brother. This is a decision we both have to make. Think about it carefully. You know my feelings, now it's really in your hands." That's beautiful.
- Trapper: Okay, it's beautiful. But is it a mistake?
- Hawkeye: How can you make a mistake giving a kid his life? You're all daddy.
- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: Hey, guys. Uh, Kim got off all right and, uh, Sister Theresa says that he's gonna come back for a visit.
- Hawkeye: Oh, that's nice.
- Trapper: Very nice.
- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: Uh, sir, are you still interested in adopting a son? I've been doing some researching... There's a little boy down in, um, Bong...
- Trapper: Got anything about five foot five?
- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: Well, no he's, uh...
- Hawkeye: Wears dirty eyeglasses?
- Trapper: Never shaves?
- Hawkeye: A two-striper?
- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: Ahem. Well, I am a little old but, uh, we could try it for a week.
- Hawkeye: Sit down, and your father and I will tell you what we did to have you.