M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde (1973)

Wayne Rogers: Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre

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Quotes 

• Trapper : [Hawkeye wakes Trapper]  What - What is it?

  Hawkeye : Wake up.

  Trapper : I thought you were asleep.

  Hawkeye : Something funny is happening here, and I'm finally beginning to notice it. For the past couple of days, I've been making some very careful observations. There's a war going on here. People walking around with guns. Uniforms. Dozens of bodies coming in by helicopter and without exception, every single one of them is mangled in some way. Don't you see? It all adds up. There's guns, uniforms, wounded bodies.

  Trapper : You figured that out, huh?

  Hawkeye : I'm beginning to see a pattern.

  Trapper : Why don't you go to sleep? You're turning into a 170-pound fruitcake.

  Hawkeye : If I thought I could stop it just by going to sleep, don't you think I'd try?

  Trapper : Look, close your bulbs, and it all goes away. Two or three hours later, it'll be tomorrow. If that gets unbearable, you check out again. See how it works.

  Hawkeye : Somebody - and it wasn't you or me - started this war. Now who was it? What, did two guys slap each other with gloves and challenge themselves? It isn't Pearl Harbor, we already had one of those. I-I gotta find out who started it.

  Trapper : And then what?

  Hawkeye : And then I'll get them to call it off.

• Trapper : I thought you were asleep.

  Hawkeye : Something funny is happening here, and I'm finally beginning to notice it. For the past couple of days, I've been making some very careful observations. There's a war going on here. People walking around with guns. Uniforms. Dozens of bodies coming in by helicopter and without exception, every single one of them is mangled in some way. Don't you see? It all adds up. There's guns, uniforms, wounded bodies.

  Trapper : You figured that out, huh?

  Hawkeye : I'm beginning to see a pattern.