- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Outside of one moment of glory in the operating tent, the whole trip was for them one gargantuan disaster.
- [pause]
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: What are you smiling at?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I'm not smiling.
- [to BJ]
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What are you smiling at?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Who's smiling? I'm not smiling.
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: [to Col. Potter] What are you smiling at?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: This isn't smiling. I'm serious.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: All right, let's cut out the smiling.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Who's smiling?
- [smiling]
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Alright, alright. I'll go, I'll do it. But when I come back, there better not be any smiling.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Capt. B.J. Hunnicut, Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Col. Sherman T. Potter: Who's smiling?