M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Chief Surgeon Who? (1972)

Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank Burns : Haven't you two anything better to do when you're off duty than to lie around and swill gin?

  Hawkeye : *Swill* gin?' Sir, I have sipped, lapped and taken gin intravenously, but I have *never* swilled!

• Frank Burns : I have got oak leaves on my shoulders.

  Henry Blake : And I've got dimples on my butt.

• Henry Blake : The job will be a killer.

  Frank Burns : I can adjust.

  Henry Blake : I hope you can. I'm giving it to Pierce.

  Hawkeye : Oh, thanks.

  Frank Burns : *What*? You can't! I won't stand for it!

  Henry Blake : Frank, the one thing that will get you nowhere with me is impersonating my wife.

  Frank Burns : Well, what about rank?

  Hawkeye : Can I help it if I'm not as rank as you?

  Frank Burns : This is unheard of!

  Henry Blake : Face it, Pierce is the best cutter in the outfit. He's certified in chest and general surgery. Frank, in case you haven't read the papers, there's a war on. We're here to patch guys together. We can't be so GI we lose patients!

  Frank Burns : Are you implying that he's a better doctor?

  Henry Blake : Yes, when the heat's on!

• Gen. Wilson Spaulding Barker : [to Major Margaret Houlihan]  Be with you as soon as I can.

  [Barker then sees Frank Burns sneaking out of Margaret's tent. The two lock eyes] 

  Frank Burns : [nervously]  Bet this looks funny.

  Gen. Wilson Spaulding Barker : Bet it doesn't.

• Hawkeye : Whatever it is, Henry, it better be good.

  Frank Burns : He's out of uniform, as usual.

  Hawkeye : I tried sleeping in my uniform, Frank, but my medals keep stabbing me.