M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Bless You Hawkeye (1981)

Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hawkeye : I put my fishing rod down on this blue... wooden seat in the middle of the boat... and I stood up to get some more bait. Then I went into the water. I remember there was laughing right before I went in, and then I didn't hear anything, and then I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything, there was just... all this water. And I remember, I tried to scream and nothing came out. Then this hand came down, and grabbed me by my collar and yanked me out.

  Maj. Sidney Freedman : But how did you get INTO the water?

  Hawkeye : I stood up...

  [beginning to grown tense] 

  Hawkeye : ... And he was kidding around...

  [emotions swill and finally peak] 

  Hawkeye : HE PUSHED ME!

  [sobs loudly] 

  Hawkeye : AAAH-HAAAAH! WHY'D HE DO THAT? I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM! I HATED HIM! WHY'D HE PUSH ME? I got back in the boat, and he said to me, "you're so clumsy. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead." And I thanked him. He pushed me into the water, and I hated him so much for that, and all I could do was thank him.

  Maj. Sidney Freedman : Why couldn't you say you hated him?

  Hawkeye : I couldn't. I couldn't say that. I couldn't. I couldn't even think it. I loved him!

• Hawkeye : Here we are in the middle of all this shooting, and I get laid out by something that happened to me in a pond when I was seven.

  Maj. Sidney Freedman : Oh sure, it's the little battlefields, the ponds, the bedrooms, the school yards that can leave some of the worst scars.

• Hawkeye : Do you hear that?

  Maj. Sidney Freedman : I don't hear anything.

  Hawkeye : That's just it. I'm not sneezing any more.

  Maj. Sidney Freedman : It's nice.

• Hawkeye : Will you people keep your business out of my nose?

• Hawkeye : [Searching the tent for whatever is making him sneeze]  I must be allergic to something in here. It's probably something small.

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Then it's certainly not Winchester's ego.

  Maj. Charles Winchester : Or Hunnicutt's feet.

  Hawkeye : [Finds his laundry bag]  Aha! My laundry!

  Maj. Charles Winchester : Of course you're allergic to that, Pierce. It's clean.

  Hawkeye : They're probably using some new kind of soap.

  [Throws laundry bag out the door] 

  Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Bye bye, shorts.

  Hawkeye : [Sneezes loudly] 

  Maj. Charles Winchester : You quit wearing your undies, now you've caught a cold.