M*A*S*H (TV Series)
April Fools (1980)
G.W. Bailey: Sergeant Luther Rizzo
Photos
Quotes
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Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : [Pulling a sleeping Rizzo out from under a jeep] Wake up, Rizzo!
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : What? Is it lunchtime? Good. I could use a break.
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : That's it.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : What?
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Reverse psychology.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : Huh?
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : The army always does the opposite.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : That's it!
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : If a guy wants out, he should act like he wants to stay in.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : Yeah!... Want out? Is your hat on too tight? Where else can you be a bum and get paid for it?
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Boy, nothing gets to you, does it?
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : Why should it? I got a good life. Room, board, 16 hours of sleep a day.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : But this place stinks.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : Hey, Klinger, you got it all wrong. Step into my office, son. Look, the Army is a breeze once you get the hang of the Luther Rizzo secret of military success.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : What is it?
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : Never smile.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Huh?
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : The Army hates to see a man grin. It makes 'em think they've failed somehow. But moan and groan and carry on, they'll leave you all to your lonesome. Long as they know you're miserable, they're happy.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : You're kidding.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. You can do anything you want in the Army. Just act like you don't want to do it. I'm livin' proof. Hey, play your cards right, and some day, Klinger,
[Rizzo motions to the motor pool]
Sergeant Luther Rizzo : all this can be yours.