Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (TV Series)

Sex, Lies and Videotape (1997)

Teri Hatcher: Lois Lane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Clark Kent : How are you holding up?

  Lois Lane : Well, considering I am one notch below Cruella de Vil on the popularity scale, great. Everywhere I go it's cold stares and even colder shoulders. I think people blame me for bringing down their hero.

  [Random voice walking by, 'Nice one Lois'] 

  Clark Kent : Well if it makes you feel any better, they're not too crazy about their hero either. The ladies in the steno pool used a picture of Superman as a dart board.

  Lois Lane : I'm sorry, I'm sure it's really tough on... you... too.

  [They arrive at Clark's desk] 

  Lois Lane : What's all this?

  Clark Kent : Condolence gifts for me.

  Lois Lane : Homemade fudge?

  Clark Kent : A couple of women downstairs whipped it up.

  Lois Lane : Oh, I see. I eat crow. You get fudge.

  Clark Kent : Honey, half of me gets fudge. The other half gets darts thrown at him.

• Clark Kent : I've decided that the only way to clear all this up is to tell the whole world the truth.

  Lois Lane : The truth about what?

  Clark Kent : That Superman can not be having an affair with Clark Kent's wife because Clark Kent is Superman.

  Lois Lane : Clark you can't do this.

  Lois Lane : Lois the only way to regain the world's trust is to tell them that I am Superman. I don't have a choice.

  Jonathan Kent : Do you realize what this will do to you son? To everybody?

  Clark Kent : I know it'll be hard Dad.

  Martha Kent : I don't think you realize how hard it will be. Never mind about your father and me it's not going to affect us much but it's going to affect you plenty. Clark Kent won't even exist anymore, you won't have any kind of private life.

  Jonathan Kent : And neither will Lois. She won't be able to go anywhere as herself let alone continue as a reporter. She'll just become Superman's wife.

  Clark Kent : I know, I know. Don't you think I thought about all this? This isn't just some knee jerk reaction that I'm having. I'm trying to stop a war. I'm trying to protect what Superman is, what he stands for.

  Lois Lane : If that's the case then you are making a mistake. What makes you think that the world is gonna start trusting Superman again when they find out that he's been lying to them all along about who he really is? Clark there's a greater truth to protect here and that's the idea of who Superman is. If you tell them that you're married, that you have feelings and desires like everybody else then that image of a hero is shattered, it's gone. People need to believe in that mythic truth, that is what Superman is all about and that is what you should protect above all else.

  Clark Kent : And I will protect it Lois. Because even in this cynical world somebody has to stand for integrity. And if that's what I say I stand for then I have to mean it.

• [Lois and Clark are back at the hotel, sitting on the floor, snuggling under a blanket in front of the fire] 

  Clark Kent : So what did you think of Superman's speech?

  Lois Lane : It was good. Did he have to make NOT having an illicit affair sound so... noble?

  [Clark laughs] 

  Lois Lane : Are you alright with it?

  Clark Kent : Well I told the truth. I mean I answered the questions they asked me truthfully.

  Lois Lane : So you're not completely comfortable?

  Clark Kent : No not completely. There was a larger truth to protect here and in this instance it was the right thing to do. Just do me one favor okay? Let's you and I be a little bit more careful from now on okay?

  Lois Lane : It is still safe to kiss my husband though right?

  [leans in towards Clark] 

  Clark Kent : Yes. Ooh, woah, your feet are freezing.

  Lois Lane : Warm them up.

  Clark Kent : Okay

  [lifts the blanket and uses his heat vision and then puts the blanket back down] 

  Lois Lane : [surprised face]  You missed!

  Clark Kent : No I didn't

  [laughs as he leans over and they disappear from sight] 

• [the office elevator opens and Lois and Clark are kissing. They walk out holding hands and everyone stops and stares at them] 

  Lois Lane : Okay so this skirt doesn't go with this blouse, it's not that bad.

  Jimmy Olsen : You guys haven't seen this morning's National Inquisitor have you?

  Lois Lane : That supermarket rag, why would we?

  Jimmy Olsen : Or The Dirt Digger?

  Clark Kent : Of course not Jimmy. What's going on?

  [Jimmy holds up the photos of Lois kissing Superman] 

  Lois Lane : Oh my God, Clark.

  Clark Kent : Lois...

  Lois Lane : That's me.

  Clark Kent : And Superman.

  [Lois and Clark stare at each other] 

  Jimmy Olsen : Guys let me be the first to say that I don't believe it for a second, alright. It's obviously a fake, the photograph's fake, it's unequivocally bogus. Although it's pretty good work, I mean I've never seen anything quite as good, the matte lines all match...

  Lois Lane : Jimmy...

  Jimmy Olsen : Sorry. On your team 100%.

  Perry White : Lois, Clark, in my office.

  Lois Lane : Chief, first of all I want you to know...

  Perry White : Of course I don't believe a word of it Lois, I know you'd never do anything like that to Clark, I've never seen two people so in love. This is just pure tabloid trash, it's that simple.

  Clark Kent : Thanks Chief.

  Perry White : Now that said this thing's already blown up pretty big. Now The Daily Planet has yet to take an official position but I can't sit on my hands much longer. The, uh, fellows upstairs are breathing down my neck to clean up this mess. So, uh, what do you want me to do? What do we print?

• Jimmy Olsen : Wow, look at this turn out.

  Lois Lane : Well it's not every day somebody from Metropolis wins the International Peace Prize.

  Jimmy Olsen : I can't believe Superman hasn't won it before now.

  Lois Lane : I guess there was some question about whether or not an extra terrestrial was actually eligible.

  Jimmy Olsen : Alien or not it's about time.

• Lois Lane : I missed you.

  Superman : Well I'm not really back yet. Clark Kent's plane doesn't get in 'til midnight

  Lois Lane : Oh great, so for the rest of the day I have to pretend like my husband's still in the air. Not exactly the kind of welcome home I had planned.

  Superman : [Someone came within earshot so they are back to pretending Lois is interviewing Superman]  Actually, uh, Miss Lane I had no idea that I was going to win the prize.

  Lois Lane : Oh.

  Superman : [Speaking privately again]  What kind of welcome home did you have in mind exactly?

  Lois Lane : Oh a weekend in bed in a mountain hideaway where not everything is done at superspeed...

• Superman : [Knocks on the balcony door and Lois answers with a big smile]  Sorry I'm late. Long day at the office.

  Lois Lane : [Being carried across Superman's shoulders]  Isn't it nice?

  Superman : Very nice!

  Lois Lane : I missed you.

  [Superman sets her down on the bed and joins her] 

  Superman : I missed you too.

  [They start kissing, unaware they are being watched and photographed from the window] 

  Superman : [Superman hears a noise, unaware the photographer fell from the ledge, and stops to x-ray where the noise came from] 

  Lois Lane : Did you hear something?

  Superman : No... it was nothing.

  [They resume passionate kissing] 

• Barry Dunning : Lois Lane? Hi Miss Lane my name is Berry Dunning.

  Lois Lane : I know who you are.

  Barry Dunning : Oh then you're familiar with my show, 'In Your Face With Berry Dunning.'?... .you know Miss Lane I'm going to give you a chance to tell your side of the story.

  Lois Lane : No comment.

  Barry Dunning : What about the photograph Miss Lane?

  Lois Lane : No comment!

  Barry Dunning : And are you or are you not having an affair with Superman?

  Lois Lane : No comment!

  Barry Dunning : What do you say to those who are calling you Superman's Super Strumpet?

  Lois Lane : [Stops in her tracks looking surprised and hurt]  They're calling me Super Strumpet?

  Barry Dunning : Care to respond?

  Lois Lane : No.

  Barry Dunning : Oh come on Miss Lane, I'm only after the truth.

  Lois Lane : The truth means nothing to you. All you're interested in is sleaze. You are a disgrace to legitimate reporters like Clark and myself and you're not gonna get what you're digging for vulture boy. I'm not going to give you some soundbite that you can twist and turn. Whatever my relationship is with Superman is nobody's damn business but my own, so get out of my face.

• Jimmy Olsen : Lois, you know those composite labs I've been checking out?

  Lois Lane : Yeah.

  Jimmy Olsen : Well here's one. Hanks Photo Lab on Third Street. Somebody told me to look into 'em because they're not real legitimate but they do good work, you know fake passports and stuff.

  Lois Lane : Jimmy were running out of time.

  Jimmy Olsen : Hank's used to be Dirt Digger's biggest client so I did some checking. Turns out that a huge payment was made to them the day just before the photographs were published.

  Lois Lane : So this photo could be a fake?

  Jimmy Olsen : Well yeah but you knew that already.

  Lois Lane : Uh, yeah, no of course I knew it. I, I, I just didn't know if you did, know it I, I mean, if you knew that it was a fake.

  Jimmy Olsen : [Looks confused]  Right.

  Lois Lane : [Nervous laugh]  Right.

• Clark Kent : You know, you seem to get a lot of credit for these Superman exclusives. What do I get?

  Lois Lane : How about two days and two nights up in the mountains, at Château Roberge?

  Clark Kent : Château Roberge, wow. The hideaway for the ultra exclusive and rich and famous. How'd you get us in?

  Lois Lane : Oh I have my ways.

  [Hides a letter behind her back] 

  Clark Kent : What's that?

  Lois Lane : What's what?

  Clark Kent : That. Is that the hotel's confirmation letter?

  Lois Lane : Well a girl has to have some secrets.

  Clark Kent : Let me see it.

  Lois Lane : No.

  Clark Kent : Let me see.

  Lois Lane : I'm not going to give it to you.

  Clark Kent : Let me see.

  Lois Lane : No, I'm not going to give it to you.

  [Backs away quickly] 

  Clark Kent : Lois, Lois, let me see it.

  Lois Lane : No, I'm not going to give it to you!

  [Puts it in the paper shredder] 

  Lois Lane : Haha.

  Clark Kent : Haha, cute. Okay.

  [Looks around to see if anyone is watching. Pulls the shredded paper out, puts it back together at superspeed] 

  Lois Lane : That is not fair.

  Clark Kent : [Reads the letter]  'Dear Miss Lane, we are extremely excited about your proposed article on our château... ' But you're not writing any article.

  Lois Lane : I might, some day.

  Clark Kent : So you lied.

  Lois Lane : Clark please it was a fib.

  [Gives her a look] 

  Lois Lane : It was an exaggeration. It was a minor distortion.

  [Still giving her a look] 

  Lois Lane : Okay I lied but it was a little tiny white lie, nobody got hurt it's not like they're letting us in for free or anything.

  Clark Kent : Lois...

  Lois Lane : Fine. We'll take the moral high ground I'll cancel the reservation. You can spend the weekend with those old war horses and get a jump on your peace talks.

  Clark Kent : Wait, wait, wait. On second thought, since their proposals aren't going to be finished 'til Monday, it is the perfect weekend for us to get away.

  [They kiss] 

  Brock Thompson : [Heard on the TV]  Even though the leaders of Lavislan and Podansk are set to meet with Superman, the UN has confirmed that military buildup continues on both sides of the border...

  Lois Lane : Looks like you're not going to be able to go anyway. I'll cancel the reservations.

  Clark Kent : No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. You go ahead on up, I'll meet you there. Superman's gonna have a little *chat* with these two old war horses, get them to honor their truce.

  Lois Lane : [Loosens his tie]  Don't be long.

  [They kiss]