Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (TV Series)

Secrets (2001)

Richard Belzer: Detective John Munch

Quotes 

• Detective John Munch : Back in Baltimore, I come into the office one day. Everybody's staring at me like my fly's open. I say, "What's up?" They send me across the street to a gallery. One of my ex-girlfriends is showing her work. Centerpiece is a wall-sized print of yours truly from his free-love days au naturel.

  Fin Tutuola : Serves you right for posing nude in the first place.

• Detective John Munch : [to Fin]  You must have some innermost secret.

  Fin Tutuola : I'm a Republican.

• Dr. Bennett Alston : It's called covert incest. You're a little girl. Dad watches you take baths, tells you dirty jokes. Mentions how great the sex was last night with some woman.

  Detective John Munch : Twisted way to teach the birds and bees.

  Dr. Bennett Alston : Then you hit puberty. Daddy dearest admires your shape, leaves porn magazines in your room, buys you sexy lingerie. Maybe takes you as his date to a business dinner or a cocktail party.

  Detective John Munch : And when little girl is all grown up, the only way she knows how to relate to men is through sex.

• Detective John Munch : We're talking about victimless crime.

  Fin Tutuola : Unless you're Marnie Owens.

  Detective John Munch : Marnie Owens' problem wasn't that she had group sex. It was that she couldn't stop herself.

  Fin Tutuola : We got 14 others here from Dante's. What's their excuse?

  Detective John Munch : You mean the fireman, the accountant, the director of human resources? All consenting adults, behind closed doors, nobody gets hurt? They don't need an excuse.

  Fin Tutuola : That's easy for you to say, Mr. Letting-It-All-Hang-Out-At-Some-Art-Gallery.

• Detective John Munch : Her name is Marnie Owens, though I suspect you people exchange fluids more often than names.