L.A. Law (TV Series)

Something Old, Something Nude (1991)

Conchata Ferrell: Susan Bloom

Quotes 

• [Leland and Douglas enter to see - Susan Bloom sitting in a chair with both of her feet plopped up on Douglas' desk, calmly reading/prying through one of his legal files. She's a middle-aged, obese woman, wearing an expensive-looking neon caftan with various expensive gold jewelry and puffs on a cigarette. McKenzie shoots Brackman a look. Brackman pastes on a smile as he's done many times before involving meeting people with money] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Susan Bloom, Leland McKenzie.

  [Susan removes her feet from the desk, turns and faces Leland and Douglas while she's smoking and still sitting at the desk] 

  Susan Bloom : [thick Southern accent]  Hiya, Leland! I hear ya need someone to save your ass.

  [Susan plops one of her legs back on top of the desk while continuing to smoke. Leland is shocked and offended. Brackman, in his typical sycophantic behavior, continues to politely smile at her] 

• Susan Bloom : [enters]  You are a stubborn old fart!

  Leland McKenzie : Get out of here!

  Susan Bloom : Don't sputter at me, Leland. This is too important. We could do each other a lotta good.

  Leland McKenzie : I would rather go swimming in nuclear waste!

  Susan Bloom : Get over it, honey. This place is in deep financial doody and everybody knows it. Hold on. Just listen to my proposal. If you don't like it, then you can throw me out.

  Leland McKenzie : You have two minutes.

  Susan Bloom : I only need one. I'm a cash cow. I have more money than God! I'll agree to pay anything you want for office space, refer you my litigation overflow plus anything my clients need outside the industry, and I will even get you a deal with my insurance company.

  Leland McKenzie : In return for what?

  Susan Bloom : Your downtown connections, your sterling reputation. You need a shot in the arm, I'm looking to branch out. Together we're Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. She had the sex, he had the class.

  Leland McKenzie : If you mean a merger, that's out of the question.

  Susan Bloom : I like to co-habit before I get married. We share space, see what happens.

  Leland McKenzie : Trust me, nothing will.

  Susan Bloom : But you like my offer.

  Leland McKenzie : We have the right to terminate any time on a month's notice. You also pay for office services and the use of the library. Any joint clients, their legal fees go 50-50.

  Susan Bloom : My name goes on the door, we issue a press release, and agree to talk closer ties in six months.

  Leland McKenzie : A year. And this will all have to be approved by the partners. It isn't final.

  Susan Bloom : Small strokes, baby. Paper work. We got a done deal.