- Michel: So, you have taken my baker?
- Jack Bourdain: I have taken your baker. I am a baker taker!
- Michel: And you don't think it was a little bit excessive?
- Jack Bourdain: EXCESSIVE? Uh, you raided my menu.
- Michel: Why are you so threatened by me, eh? Is it because maybe you see in me what you hate in yourself?
- Jack Bourdain: Oh, no I don't have an annoying, filthy Frenchman in me.
- Michel: Ha! Everybody's got an annoying, filthy Frenchman in them Jack, just ask your girlfriend.
- Jack Bourdain: She's not my girl... Take the Lamb off the menu.
- Michel: Return my creepy baker then we'll talk.
- Jack Bourdain: [laughs] no.
- Michel: Ok then, I guess it is how you say "On"?
- Jack Bourdain: Oh, mon amie. It is TOTALLY HOW YOU SAY ON!
- Michel: It is on.
- Jack Bourdain: Yes, I said that.
- Michel: Ok.
- Jack Bourdain: Yeah
- [walks away]
- Michel: Your cusine is Caca!
- Jim: Jack!
- Jack Bourdain: Yeah?
- Jim: I think there's something wrong with the computer here.
- Jack Bourdain: Really?
- Jim: Yeah, I got orders for, uh, ten toilet burgers, a monkey nipple salad, two fart cakes - I'm sorry, three fart cakes - and a fish penis and moose rectum lasagna with super butt cheese. And pineapple salsa.
- Jack Bourdain: So it appears that Michel is slightly more capable than I assumed.
- Teddy Wong: Slightly? He brought us to our knees with a keyboard and a mouse, ok? That is a sad and freaky situation, my friends.
- Jack Bourdain: So... It's official. We're at war.
- Jim: We're at war? What do you mean we're at war? We're chefs!
- Jack Bourdain: They attacked us. Twice!
- Steven Daedelus: They poked our head waitress
- Jim: Yeah, but didn't she enjoy it?
- Teddy Wong: That is not the point! If he's willing to have sex with Mimi, there's no telling how low he will go!
- Seth Richman: We sent Mimi on a diplomatic mission and he sent her back soiled and defiled
- Jim: and satisfied...
- Jack Bourdain: Jim, go to your idiot hole.