King of the Hill (TV Series)

Square Peg (1997)

Mike Judge: Hank Hill, Boomhauer, Stuart Dooley

Quotes 

• Stuart Dooley : Hey Bobby, your mom's gonna teach sex ed.

  Bobby Hill : Yeah, I know.

  Stuart Dooley : We're gonna get to see her boobs.

• Peggy Hill : Happiness. Hap-piness. Hap-pe-ness. Hap-penis. H... penis. I did it. Ovaries. Uvula. Uterus. VaaaaaaaaaaaGINA!

  [Hank spits out his beer] 

  Peggy Hill : Hey Hank, I just said...

  Hank : I heard ya. The whole neighborhood can hear ya cussin'.

• Bobby Hill : Why is it not okay for girls but okay for boys?

  Hank : It's called the double standard, Bobby, don't knock it. We got the long end of the stick on that one.

• Hank : [thinking about Boomhauer's offer to teach Bobby sex education]  I guess I'll do it, my daddy told me the facts of life when I was Bobby's age and I turned out okay

  [thinks back to when Cotton took him to a ranch] 

  Cotton Hill : [showing a young Hank a bull and cow mating while Hank cries]  Yee-haw! Hey what ya crying for boy?, this is a good show, this is a damn good show!

  Hank : [cut back to the present]  Yeah that's also how he taught me about paying taxes

• Stuart Dooley : [to another kid]  Your dad lost his job.

• Peggy Hill : [about attempting to teach Bobby sex education]  Hank I couldn't get the words out

  Bill Dauterive : Aw gee you didn't send her in to do a man's job did you?

  Hank : Uh well I...

  Bill Dauterive : Maybe you should let Boomhauer teach him what he knows

  Boomhauer : Yeah man I'll tell ya what, ya talkin' about them dang old condom dispensers... Put little ol' 50 cents in there and try to hit that coin return... bang on that thing... Talk about her needs.

  Hank : [thinks for a moment]  Uh, no that's alright