- Doug Heffernan: I just found out that Deacon is a Big Brother.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: You just figured that out now?
- Doug Heffernan: No, I don't mean he's a big brotha', I mean he's a Big Brother.
- Doug Heffernan: Do you think I'm a big sack of crap?
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Have you been reading my diary?