Justice League (TV Series)

Comfort and Joy (2003)

Ian Buchanan: Ultra-Humanite

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Ultra-Humanite places the toy in front of the children; it lights up, and starts playing the theme from "The Nutcracker."] 

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : [Humanite's voice]  Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.

  Little Girl : Is that D.J. Rubber Ducky?

  Little Boy : He sounds weird.

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : [as they gather round]  Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer...

  Ultra-Humanite : Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?

  The Flash : I kind of liked it when he made the poopy noise.

  [Humanite frowns; Flash looks at the children, listening raptly to the story] 

  D.J. Rubber Ducky : That night, as Clara slept beneath the Christmas tree, her beloved toy came alive to lead her on an unforgettable adventure...

  The Flash : But this is good too.

• Ultra-Humanite : [of the top hat]  I won't wear it.

  The Flash : Oh, come on, I'm wearing the beard. You don't want to scare the kids, do you?

  Ultra-Humanite : The indignity...

• Ultra-Humanite : You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.

  The Flash : Seriously?

  Ultra-Humanite : You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.

  The Flash : [suspicious]  It's not gonna blow up or anything?

  Ultra-Humanite : [puh-leeze]  Flash. It IS Christmas.

• The Flash : Don't you remember what it's like to have your heart set on something and that awful feeling when you didn't get it?

  Ultra-Humanite : Yes. And I usually have you and your teammates to blame for that.

  The Flash : I was talking about Christmas.

  Ultra-Humanite : Oh, that garish, hollow charade. Forced jollity on every lip, insincere goodwill in every heart. Tidings of comfort and joy indeed.

  The Flash : For a creep that claims to personify human advancement, I'd think you'd know what it means to pass along goodwill, especially to kids who need some. I'd like to think they'd grow up to pass that goodwill on to others.

  Ultra-Humanite : A not unworthy aspiration.

  The Flash : [Humanite re-inserts his gun's battery]  You can go ahead and use that thing for all I care. I couldn't feel any worse.

  Ultra-Humanite : [pistol-whipping him]  As you wish.

• The Flash : [investigating an explosion at a museum]  Wow. Someone sure did a number on this place.

  Ultra-Humanite : Actually, I hadn't even started.

  [cocking and aiming a weapon] 

  Ultra-Humanite : Do you believe the horrendous amount of public funding spent on this so-called art?

  [Flash dodges his gun discharges] 

  Ultra-Humanite : It's garbage, an affront to any decent human aesthetic!

  The Flash : O... kay. I'll just take you back to prison, where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.

• Ultra-Humanite : Haven't I see enough of you for one night?

  The Flash : I wanted to say thanks. You really helped me out.

  Ultra-Humanite : I did it for the children. I welcome any opportunity to bring culture to the uncorrupted.

  The Flash : Sure.

  [revealing a small Christmas tree] 

  The Flash : But I thought you might like some holiday cheer yourself.

  Ultra-Humanite : An aluminum Christmas tree?

  The Flash : I know, it's kind of cheesy, but...

  Ultra-Humanite : No, no. We had one just like it when I was... it's very nice. The guard will show you out.

  [as Humanite turns on a strobe light and watches the ornaments blink, Flash peeks in and grins] 

• Ultra-Humanite : What a shame. I broke your toy.

  The Flash : It was a present for some kids who really wanted it.

  Ultra-Humanite : A paltry bit of plastic and crude electronics. They'd have been better off with a book. I suggest Voltaire.

• Ultra-Humanite : [his gun clicks empty]  Huh?

  The Flash : [holding the battery cartridge]  Should have asked Santa for extra batteries.

  [speeding forward, he throws punches, and Humanite falls on the D.J. Rubber Ducky toy] 

  The Flash : No!