Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

Pilot (2003)

Patrick Breen: Sammy

Quotes 

• Joan : I'm here about the job. You know, the one you were advertising.

  Sammy : Oh, I'm sorry. That's for someone who can see over the counter.

  Joan : Well, I'm sixteen. I've had lots of jobs.

  Sammy : Really? Name all four books in the "Alexandria" quartet.

  [Joan is lost for words] 

  Sammy : See? Now, somebody might ask you questions like that.

  Joan : And then I'd say "I'll look it up in the computer." I-I'm good with computers.

  Sammy : Yeah, everybody's good with computers and digital cameras and cell phones and TiVo. But no one can form an objective thought to save their lives.

• Sammy : Go home, please. Hiring you would only complicate my life because I would have to rant and rave about your shabby education, and I have enough to rant and rave about.

  Joan : Was that your daughter on the phone?

  Sammy : My wife. A grown woman who is hysterical over a sick rabbit. I don't need any more adolescents in my life.

  Joan : Well, if you hire me, then you can go take care of it. I know how to run a cash register and I know how to answer the phone. And I can count way past ten. So if you just run along and go take your wife's rabbit to the vet, and when you come back, if I haven't burned down the store or something, you can hire me.

  Sammy : You don't happen to have any references on you?

  Joan : No, but I was sent by God.

  [seeing his expression] 

  Joan : She said, revealing her acerbic wit. My dad's Will Girardi. H-he's the chief of police. Really.

  Sammy : [handing her the keys]  Don't steal anything. Don't take any checks. Don't give any refunds. I will be back at 6:00.