- Adam Rove: I've been calling you all the way down the hall.
- Joan Girardi: Oh. Well, I'm temporarily deaf. My mom burnt a hole in my ear lecturing me about college.
- Joan Girardi: So you gonna tell me why you're here?
- Goth Kid God: It's a guidance session. I'm all about guidance.
- Joan Girardi: Well, maybe if you were a little more specific.
- Goth Kid God: Yeah, but you didn't like it when I told you what to do.
- Joan Girardi: I like it less when you don't.
- Goth Kid God: I have a specific assignment for you, since you miss them so much.
- Joan Girardi: [sarcastic laugh] Okay.
- Goth Kid God: Go with Adam tomorrow. Take a look at college.
- Joan Girardi: Wait. Now you want me to go to college?
- Goth Kid God: Informed choices. They're better than the other kind. Besides, you already told him you'd go, and I like follow-through.
- Joan Girardi: Well, I like privacy. Now that we're listing what what we like, privacy and autonomy!
- [he waves as he leaves]
- Joan Girardi: I just used "autonomy" in a sentence. Huh.
- Female Motivational Speaker God: Nice to see you embracing technology, Joan.
- Joan Girardi: Great. God is a pop-up ad. That's perfect. Appears out of nowhere, impossible to get rid of.
- Sister Lilly Watters: So, it comes up in conversation that I've never seen an X-rated film, and he's all "How is that possible?". And I'm like, "Hello? What part of 'nun' don't you understand?". They weren't screening them at the convent. So he says "We'll have to rent something." And I'm all "Where's a time portal when you need one?".
- Helen Girardi: Can we get to the beatitudes? 'Cause I think I finally memorized them.
- Sister Lilly Watters: Hey! Usually, hearing about my pathetic love life is your favorite part.
- Will Girardi: Vladamir Karpovic, AKA Vlad the Inhaler. I see the cocaine business has a sense of humor.
- Chess Player God: I know you've had a difficult time lately. Losing Judith, questioning me. But you've learned so much. Use it.
- Joan Girardi: How? Every time I think I've learned something, something else gets thrown at me, you know? Adam, or Roger, or... feeling like a loser. Just makes me feel clueless again.
- Chess Player God: That's because you see each event as an end in itself. But they're all parts of something much greater, something that never ends.
- Joan Girardi: You're very "Maxtrix"-y today.
- Chess Player God: You do everything that I ask without knowing where it'll lead because you have faith. Have some in yourself. Other people do. I do.
- Joan Girardi: You're being really nice to me. That's weird.
- Chess Player God: Because I want you to see how much stronger you are than you think. Failure and disappointment, you've been through it before. It's all part of the game.
- Joan Girardi: But this isn't a game. This is my life.
- Chess Player God: Every act you undertake, working at the bookstore, helping someone, even playing rock-paper-scissors, each of those choices is a move, and every move informs the next and changes you and everyone else, like moves on a chess board.
- Joan Girardi: So there has to be a way to win.
- Chess Player God: Sure. By playing.