It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Charlie Has Cancer (2005)

Kaitlin Olson: Dee Reynolds

Quotes 

• Mac : Are you sure?

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, look at his jeans, dude. That's a- that's an unmistakable bulge of a large penis in those jeans.

  Dee Reynolds : Yeah, that's a dick in those pants.

  Mac : There's a dick in those pants!

  Dennis Reynolds : Yeah.

  Mac : I'll be right back.

  [confronts Carmen] 

  Mac : Excuse me, bro, can you give me a second?

  [club goer exits] 

  Mac : Thanks. Is that a penis in your pants?

  Carmen : Yeah.

  Mac : You lied to me!

  Carmen : No, I didn't. You lied to me! You don't work out? Please, I see you at the gym. You're ripped.

  Mac : Wait, don't turn this around... Wait, really? You think so?

  Carmen : Yeah.

  Mac : I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?

  Carmen : No, I like it.

  Mac : Wow. Hmm. Well, I gotta get back to work, um, but I don't know, maybe I'll give you a call sometime.

  Carmen : Okay.

  Mac : Yeah, yeah, I'll give you a call.

• Dee Reynolds : Dennis, maybe you need to rethink this whole plan of yours. I don't think getting Charlie laid is going to help his cancer problem.

  Dennis Reynolds : Whatever.

  Mac : Dennis, I think I found the perfect girl for Charlie! Smart, beautiful, the whole thing.

  Dennis Reynolds : Where?

  Mac : Right there.

  Dennis Reynolds : Over there by the pool table?

  Mac : Yeah. Nice.

  Dennis Reynolds : That's great, Mac.

  Dee Reynolds : Good work, Mac.

  Dennis Reynolds : That's a dude.

• Dennis Reynolds : I don't get it, Dee, there are tons of women in this city. Where do they go?

  Dee Reynolds : They're at velvet rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.

  Dennis Reynolds : Why?

  Dee Reynolds : Dennis, our bar is south Philly in a scary alley... might as well call it "Rape Bar."