- Detective Sergeant Lewis: [Lewis walks in as Morse is fighting with the killer] Need a hand, sir?
- Chief Inspector Morse: GET THIS BASTARD OFF ME!
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: We should have arrested Donald Martin straightaway.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Why?
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: Morse's Law. You said there's a 50:50 chance that whoever finds the body did the deed.
- Chief Inspector Morse: That isn't Morse's Law. Morse's Law is "There's always time for one more pint".
- [Dr Bartlett has just admitted that he nearly went to see "Last Tango in Paris" at the cinema]
- Doctor Thomas Bartlett: I was wondering if I shouldn't tell my wife.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Tell her what? That you *didn't* see the film? Adultery in the heart is not really the same as adultery. Or "who shall 'scape whipping?".
- Chief Inspector Morse: The secret of a happy life is to know when to stop - and then go that bit further.
- Chief Inspector Morse: [standing in front of movie poster for The Last Tango In Paris] You ever seen this?
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: No!
- Chief Inspector Morse: Me neither.
- [guilelessly]
- Chief Inspector Morse: My doctor says I should lose some weight, stop eating butter, start eating, uh, polyunsaturates, whatever they are. Not quite the same though, is it, Lewis?
- [last lines]
- Chief Inspector Morse: Oh, no, they've changed the bloody film!
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: Woah, '101 Dalmatians'. Great! I might pop home and fetch the wife and kids.
- Philip Ogleby: A woman would get in the way of my work. That's my excuse. What's yours?
- Chief Inspector Morse: Oh, no woman'd put up with me - I play my records too loud.
- Philip Ogleby: You could get her earplugs!
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: So he did kill Nicholas Quinn.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Or did he, did he? Nah! How could he have done? He set the best crosswords in England.
- Philip Ogleby: [to Morse] One of the few true pleasures of the bachelor life, as I am sure you have found for yourself, is the opportunity for guiltless self-indulgence.
- Chief Inspector Morse: [while helping with a crossword puzzle] I like all sorts of puzzles. Brain-teasers, anything where you have to use your logic. My weakness is guesswork. I leap to conclusions... sometimes.
- Chief Inspector Morse: I want to see them at 10-o'-clock for a most important announcement.
- Doctor Thomas Bartlett: I hope it proves more important than your announcement at the inquest. I understand Mr. Roope is considering suing for wrongful arrest!
- Chief Inspector Morse: Then he'll do it from jail; we've just arrested him again.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Who's this bloke who found him?
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: A Mr. Martin, sir, one of his chums from the foreign whatsit.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Chums, Lewis? You know Morse's law, there's always a 50 /50 chance that the man who found the body did the deed.
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: Well, I was going to arrest him on the spot, sir, but I thought I'd let you have the pleasure.
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: Chap named Quinn, sir. He works for Foreign Academics Examinations.
- Chief Inspector Morse: Worked.
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: Sir?
- Chief Inspector Morse: Worked, Lewis - he's dead, isn't he?
- [Looks admiringly at the deceased's property]
- Chief Inspector Morse: These academics do themselves alright, don't they?
- Detective Sergeant Lewis: [Tartly] Did.