How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Slutty Pumpkin (2005)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : [to someone in a big penguin costume]  Excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you?

  [the penguin seems to smile] 

  Ted Mosby : It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but...

  [the penguin unmasks to reveal Barney underneath] 

  Barney : You are such a LOSER.

  Ted Mosby : Arrgh!

  Barney : Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check.

  Ted Mosby : Unbelievable.

• Barney : Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.

  Ted Mosby : We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.

  Barney : [weighing the options on his hand]  Hmm.

  [left hand] 

  Barney : Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or

  [right hand] 

  Barney : Yale preppies reuniting their stupid acapella group.

  [pretends to hear his left hand say something] 

  Barney : What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.

  Ted Mosby : I'm heading up to the roof.

  Barney : [to his hands]  Well, boys, looks like it's just you and me.

  [pretending to hear his hand talk again] 

  Barney : What's that? Self-five? Nice.

  [gives himself a high five] 

  Barney : We out!

• Barney : You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...

  Lily Aldrin : Wow, we get it.

  Barney : ...she's a slutty nurse.

• Barney : Flight-suit up!

• Barney : [at the lame roof party]  I can't believe you talked me into this.

  Ted Mosby : I didn't, you followed me up here.

• Barney : Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!

  Ted Mosby : Really? That's the nickname now?

  Barney : Yeah, the Barnicle!

  Ted Mosby : Barnicle Barney?

  Barney : That's it.

  [awkward pause] 

  Barney : Barnicle out!

  [leaves] 

  Ted Mosby : Have fun, Barnicle.

• Ted Mosby : [seeing Barney in a devil costume]  Barney? What, you're back?

  Barney : That's right.

  Ted Mosby : In a totally new costume.

  Barney : Every Halloween I bring a spare costume. In case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression.

• [Barney is still dressed as a Devil] 

  Ted Mosby : I have to pee.

  Barney : So go to the bathroom.

  Ted Mosby : No, there's a huge line, and I don't wanna miss the Slutty Pumpkin.

  Barney : So pee off the roof. Ooh! Ted. Pee off the roof.

  [some guy dressed as an angel turns around] 

  Angel : Woah. I wouldn't do that if I were you, there's people walking down there.

  Barney : Come on, Ted. Who you gonna listen to? Me or Mr. goodie-goodie over there?

  Angel : Yeah, whatever, you guys got some weed?

• Barney : This party sucks! There's like 7 chicks here.

  [a guy removes his wig] 

  Barney : There's 6 chicks here!

• [in a fighter pilot costume, talking to the hula dancer girl] 

  Barney : So what does a fella have to do to get laid around here?... Yeah.

  Hula Dancer : Right, because I'm wearing a lei...

  [walks away] 

  Barney : Well, it isn't funny if you explain the joke!

• [in a devil costume, talking to the hula dancer girl] 

  Barney : Let me guess, every guy has used the "laid" line on you tonight, huh?

  Hula Dancer : You wouldn't believe.

  Barney : I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you, make you a drink.

  Hula Dancer : You certainly are a charming devil.

  Barney : I'm also a *horny* devil... Yeah.

  Hula Dancer : No.

  [walks away] 

• Barney : Okay, Victoria's Secret party, right now.

  Ted Mosby : Nope.

  Barney : Come on, I can't stand watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween! Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming!

  Ted Mosby : She *might*.

  Barney : Oy...

  Ted Mosby : Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds! It's about believing! This girl, she... she represents something to me, I don't know... hope.

  Barney : Wow. I did not understand a word you just said.

• Hula Dancer : [seeing that Barney is the penguin]  Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy!

  Barney : What? No, no, that's some other guy. And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.

  Hula Dancer : I cannot believe I gave you my number.

  Barney : Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.

  Hula Dancer : Yeah, well, give it back.

  Barney : Well, uh, I don't think so, I earned it, fair and square. I'm calling you.

  Hula Dancer : But I'm never going to go out with you!

  Barney : But how will you know it's me. I'm a master of disguise!... Yeah.

  [Hula Dancer walks away exasperated] 

• Barney : I'm flippering you off.

• Barney : Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.

• Barney : What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!

• Barney : I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways.