- Dr. Gregory House: J'ever notice, how all the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa... can't think of any others, they all die alone? The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz it's crazy.
- Dr. James Wilson: It's an unfair world.
- Dr. Gregory House: There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends, and there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.
- Dr. Gregory House: Welcome aboard the good ship Asskisser. Nice day for a sail! Pucker up, me 'earties!
- Dr. Eric Foreman: What's the emergency?
- Dr. Gregory House: [holding a yo-yo] I can't remember how to do walk the dog.
- Dr. Gregory House: [answering Newsweek's phone call about Dr. Charles' condition] In my opinion, Dr. Sebastian Charles is an idiot! Yeah, you can quote me... C-U-D-D-Y.
- Dr. Gregory House: [about Dr. Sebastian Charles] Everybody does it. We are who people *think* we are. People think he's a great doctor so they give him stuff.
- Dr. Cameron: He *is* a great doctor.
- Dr. Gregory House: The reality is irrelevant.
- [last lines]
- Dr. Gregory House: [looking down at Dr. Charles, who's leaving the hospital] It's not about the kids dying every eight seconds, it's about the media stroking. Adulation and pats on the head.
- Dr. James Wilson: That's your problem with him, isn't it?
- Dr. Gregory House: Look at him - loves it, eats it up.
- Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, the man actually enjoys what he does.
- Dr. Gregory House: Listen, *I* saved his life. That means I get credit for every life *he* saves from here on out.
- Dr. James Wilson: I'll make sure Stockholm knows.
- Dr. James Wilson: He cures thousands of people every year. You cure... what, 30?
- Dr. Gregory House: McDonalds' makes a better hamburger than your mother because they make more?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there nobody you admire?
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, there was this gal I met in 'Nam who could blow out a candle without using...
- Dr. James Wilson: [discussing Dr. Charles] You're just mad because he's closer to a Nobel Prize than you are.
- Dr. Gregory House: And yet I've nailed more Swedish babes... crazy, crazy world.
- Dr. Gregory House: [snapping the number of times a person dies of TB] Sure they're dying, but it's got a great beat.
- Dr. Gregory House: [Sebastian is refusing treatment] You are not the same as them. Your life is not the same, and you are cheapening everything they're going through by pretending you are.
- Dr. Gregory House: [pointing at Dr. Sebastian Charles, who was just revived out of a cardiac arrest] That is NOT TB!
- Dr. James Wilson: Compelling television.
- Dr. Gregory House: Because now he's got the big red target on his arm, the stubborn jerk thinks he's right, he won't let us do any more tests.
- Dr. Cameron: Or maybe he's not the only stubborn jerk!
- Dr. Gregory House: You're right. We've got to treat the TB.
- Dr. Cameron: Who knows? Maybe he's just... get better.
- Dr. Gregory House: You'd like that, wouldn't you?