The Golden Girls (TV Series)

That's for Me to Know (1991)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Photos 

Quotes 

• Blanche Devereaux : All right, everybody, just write down who you think ought to leave.

  Rose Nylund : Well, you know this is a waste of time. I'm just going to write down myself.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Don't tell us that! No, maybe we should do this. It's the fairest way.

  Rose Nylund : All right, but it's just gonna end up being me.

  Blanche Devereaux : [collects the ballots]  Okay. Okay. Here we go. Good luck, ladies...

  [reads the ballots one by one] 

  Blanche Devereaux : Dorothy... Dorothy... Dorothy... Dorothy.

  Sophia Petrillo : Well, that's it. Let's eat. I'm starved.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Wait a minute! How did this happen?

  Sophia Petrillo : We all voted for you.

  Blanche Devereaux : Well, Dorothy, it's your own damn fault. Why did you have to vote for yourself?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I just assumed that everyone was gonna vote for Rose, and I- I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings.

  Blanche Devereaux : I guess that would hurt.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : IT DOES-S-S!

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Ma, what's in that box?

  Sophia Petrillo : Mexican jumping beans.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Ma!

  Sophia Petrillo : Sorry, *Hispanic* jumping beans.

• Sophia Petrillo : I went against centuries of tradition. You don't leave an arranged marriage. I disgraced my family's entire way of life.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I think I'm finally beginning to see.

  Sophia Petrillo : Good, then you'll have the decency to lie if anyone asks you about it.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : [gently]  Of course not, Ma. It all has to go in the family history.

  Sophia Petrillo : Don't do this, Dorothy, don't do something we'll both regret.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I have to, Ma.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : [speaking into the tape recorder]  In 1920, your great grandmother, Sophia Petrillo, became a pioneer in the Women's Rights Movement. She single-handedly dragged her family into the twentieth century by refusing to be thought of as property, and demanding instead to marry a man she loved. To do so, she had to leave behind everything she'd ever known. And that is the kind of courage and strength that flows through your veins.

• Sophia Petrillo : What a night. Did you hear that racket out front? I didn't sleep at all. I think Dreyfus has the hots for our lawn flamingo.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Ma, we don't have a lawn flamingo.

  Sophia Petrillo : In that case, we'd better tip the paperboy.

• Rose Nylund : Y'know, people in St. Olaf are lucky - we all have the same family tree; you can trace each of us back to the same brother and sister.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Well, I think that completes the puzzle.

• Sophia Petrillo : [speaking into a tape recorder]  It all happened so fast. He grabbed her. She bit him. He stuffed her in his calamari wagon and sped away. And that, dear grandchildren, is how my parents met.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : [sarcastically]  Oh how romantic, a roll in the squid.

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Now if we want to stay together we're going to have to raise $10,000.

  Blanche Devereaux : Well, I don't see why I have to raise any money. I didn't create this problem. I think the moronic Scandinavian nitwit ought to pay it.

  Rose Nylund : She's talking about me, isn't she?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : No, Rose. She's talking about Spike Lee.

  Rose Nylund : Don't get smart with me, Dorothy, just because you're out $10,000.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Me?

  Rose Nylund : Face facts. I mean, we were already roommates when you brought your mother in. So eiher pay up or Sophia should move out.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Well, thank you very much! But if anybody is going to put my mother out in the cold, it's going to be me.

• Rose Nylund : I am the smartest woman in the whole world!

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : And I am the Pygmy queen!

• Blanche Devereaux : Rose, you ninny! This says I'm going to convert my home into a half-way house for recently released convicts!

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : You're right, Rose, you are the smartest woman in the world: Burger World.

• Sophia Petrillo : The man you saw in that picture was Guido Spirelli. He was my first husband through an arranged marriage which I had later annulled.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : And?

  Sophia Petrillo : [impatiently]  And I shot him just to watch him die! What do you mean 'and'?

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I mean, that's all? That's all you're gonna tell me about it?

  Sophia Petrillo : We were promised to each other when we were nine. By most Sicilian standards, he was considered quite a catch. And he was supposed to inherit the family business.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : What was the family business?

  Sophia Petrillo : Getting even.

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : The box! Rose, where did you find it?

  Rose Nylund : Well I was just under my bed playing, and then there it was.

• Sophia Petrillo : Land! I'm a land owner, and it only took me 80 years! I'll be planting soon!

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Ma!

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Ma, the doctor says you're healthy as a horse. Well, actually, the doctor in our pre-paid health plan says you're healthy as a camel. I assume in his country it's the same as a horse.

  Sophia Petrillo : You know, Dorothy, for an extra five dollars we can get a doctor who sees patients one at a time.

• Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : I still have some questions about the family history, if that's okay.

  Sophia Petrillo : Fine. As long as you don't ask me about the box.

  Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : The bo... what box? Oh! Oh, heh, it completely slipped my mind!

  Sophia Petrillo : Oh yeah, that kind of thing happens to me all the, uh... all the, uh... all the shrimp you can eat.