- Rose Nylund: You're not going to believe what happened, I met my father, my natural father!
- Blanche: He's alive?
- Dorothy: He's in Miami?
- Sophia Petrillo: He's an earthling?
- Sophia Petrillo: This is really a hospital, I can't believe it.
- Dorothy: Ma you have a hernia, where did you think I was taking you, Trampoline Village?
- Sophia Petrillo: I told you, I thought you were taking me back to Shady Pines.
- Dorothy: Ma, why would I take you to Shady Pines when you have a hernia?
- Sophia Petrillo: You took me there after I had a stroke!
- Dr. Warren: What is a woman your age doing moving furniture?
- Sophia Petrillo: [points to Dorothy] For food.
- Dorothy: We're looking for my mother.
- Rose Nylund: Maybe she's lost.
- Brother Martin: Congratulations, Rose, you finally got one.
- Brother Martin: Excuse me, but do I know you? You look awfully familiar.
- Rose Nylund: I get that a lot. People say I look like Wilma Flintstone. Not when she was on the air, more the way she looks today.
- Brother Martin: I was cloistered in a small monastery in St Olaf, Minnesota.
- Rose Nylund: Where every Spring the ducks return?
- Brother Martin: If we remember to throw out the corn, yeah... You know it?
- Rose Nylund: I know it very well. I was born and raised in St Olaf.
- Brother Martin: Well, this is extraordinary. Did you know an Ingrid Kerklavaner?
- Rose Nylund: You knew Ingrid?
- Brother Martin: She must have been about nineteen then. She worked in the kitchen in the monastery. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, thats all she ever did. We were a silent order, so that was very refreshing.
- Rose Nylund: I suppose it was. Shortly after that Ingrid died in childbirth.
- Brother Martin: You know the story?
- Rose Nylund: Oh, yes. Late one night, a basket was left at the local Orphanage, containing hickory-smoked cheese, spicy beef sticks, a baby, and some kind of crackers that didn't go with anything. Eventually the Lindstroms took the baby... and the beef sticks, 'cause that was the deal.
- Attendant: [after hernia surgery, Sophia wakes up alone in a hospital elevator, and assumes she's in Heaven] Pardon me, ma'am, but what are you doing in here all by yourself?
- Sophia Petrillo: Who are you? Are you an angel?
- Attendant: I'm the guy that shaves everybody.
- Blanche: My fantasy mother was the Queen of England. And then she died, and I became Queen. And all the men were very happy for all the obvious reasons. And I looked cute on the money. 'Course, all the women were unhappy, but screw 'em, I was queen.
- Blanche: You know, Rose, I'm luckier than you, 'cause I had a father, a wonderful father whom I loved dearly, but right now you have an opportunity I would give anything for, just to have ten minutes more with Big Daddy! Oh, to hear that sweet old husky voice once more! 'They're admittin' who to my country club?'
- Rose Nylund: There's a difference, Blanche! That bigot was there for you!