- Blanche Devereaux: Tell me, how long does Rose have to take care of this pig before she gets the money?
- Chester T. Raney: As long as he lives.
- Dorothy: Oh forget it!
- Rose: Well I'd split the money with you girls!
- Dorothy: Forget it!
- Blanche Devereaux: How long does a pig live?
- Chester T. Raney: About 25 years.
- Dorothy: Forget it!
- Blanche Devereaux: How old is this pig?
- Chester T. Raney: 29.
- Dorothy: Welcome, Baby!
- Sophia: [describing what happened after she broke her glasses] It took me six hours to find my way home.
- Dorothy: Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you?
- Sophia: I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, a condom popped out. I got five in my pocket. Here, Dorothy... a lifetime supply.
- Blanche Devereaux: I'm reading this Spock book on baby care and he says it's very important for a young child to have a male role model around during its formative years. Now what are we gonna do?
- Dorothy: We'll all wear Yankee caps and scratch our behinds after every beer.
- Sophia: [after wandering out into the street without her glasses] Dorothy, who the hell parked a Buick in my bedroom?