Gilmore Girls (TV Series)

Dead Uncles and Vegetables (2002)

Lauren Graham: Lorelai Gilmore

Photos 

Quotes 

• Taylor : [Lorelai and Rory enter Town Meeting late]  Late again, are we?

  Lorelai : Yes, I hope I'm not pregnant.

  Taylor : Really, you should try to be more punctual, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in a half hour ago.

  Lorelai : Dirty!

• Kirk : Hello? How 'bout that coffee?

  Lorelai : I got it.

  Kirk : Oh, but mine's a quarter caff.

  Lorelai : Huh?

  Kirk : Three fourths caffeinated, one fourth decaff.

  Lorelai : I four fourths don't care.

• Lorelai : [Emily is reminding Lorelai of her DAR meeting on Tuesday]  It's burned into my brain, it's there forever. When I'm senile and gaga and drooling into a cup... and I can't remember my name, I will still remember that your DAR meeting was on that Tuesday. I'm going to have to be deprogrammed by cult deprogrammers to get that Tuesday out of my brain.

• Taylor : Mhmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type 24B otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business.

  The 2nd Troubadour : Why did you say it twice?

  Taylor : Hmm?

  Babette : You said cart kiosk cart kiosk!

  Lorelai : Its repetitive.

  Rory : And redundant.

  Lorelai : Its repetitive.

  Rory : And redundant.

  Lorelai : We certainly are entertaining, Mac!

  Rory : Indubitably, Tosh.

• Lorelai : If you had your way, Mother, you'd lock us up like veal. That's what she wants, veal children.

• Luke : That's too strong.

  Lorelai : No, it's not.

  Luke : No, it's too strong

  Lorelai : You're on the phone.

  Luke : Not everybody likes it that strong.

  Lorelai : Well, then I shall convert them, I am the Jehovah's coffee girl.

• Luke : You know what, to hell with this. To hell with this!

  Lorelai : Luke, now come on.

  Luke : I can't deal with this anymore!

  Lorelai : Well, it has to be dealt with.

  Luke : No, it doesn't. It's not as if he deserves my help or my respect.

  Lorelai : The man was your uncle.

  Luke : He was a jerk!

  Lorelai : Don't say that.

  Luke : No, no, Taylor and the guys were right. I was cutting Louie slack out of respect for my dad, but the man was rotten and mean and selfish all his life. For God's sake, he's even selfish in death. Other people would've loved to have had those baseball cards. I would've loved to have those baseball cards. He's got Lou Gehrig's rookie card, Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, tons of others - but no! My uncle, King Tut, has to take all of them to the afterlife with him!

  the Mortuary Worker : Sir, your voice.

  Luke : I'm done, I've had it. From now on, it's just the bare minimum and that's it. Dig a big hole and just dump the casket in unlatched. If stuff falls out, fine. Just pile on enough dirt and make sure nothing's showing!

  [leaves] 

  Lorelai : I'm assuming that wouldn't be appropriate either?

  the Mortuary Worker : No.

  Lorelai : I didn't think so.