- Nealis: You will get nothing out of me, Mr. Smart. KAOS trains its men well. I can take threats, torture, starvation. How about you?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, I can take threats and starvation. Torture I'm not too crazy about.
- Maxwell Smart: [Max shoe phone started ringing while he was delivering a suitcase to some KAOS men] I guess it was a wrong number.
- KAOS Agent #2: But we told ya, we don't have a phone.
- Maxwell Smart: Well you'd better get one. As long as you've got the ringing, you might as well have a phone, right?
- Nealis: [Max' tie is stuck in a KAOS agents suitcase] What are you doing down there?
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe a Jolson medley?
- Chief of Control: [Max has disarmed a bomb by getting his tie stuck in the mechanism] I don't know how you did it, Max, but you just saved the East Coast, maybe the whole world. That was a close one.
- Maxwell Smart: You don't know how close it was, Chief. I was thinking of wearing my bow tie today.
- Maxwell Smart: [speaking on a fire hydrant phone] Hello Control? This is Maxwell Smart. No, Smart. S as in splendid, M as in marvelous, A as in...