Get Smart (TV Series)

Spy, Spy, Birdie (1968)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : I think I'd better have a talk with Mr. Siegfried.

  Agent 99 : Good thinking, Max, but how are you going to find him?

  Maxwell Smart : Very simple, 99, I happen to know that Ludwig will be at the Smithsonian Institute at 9 am on Tuesday.

  Chief : Max, who cares about Ludwig, what about Siegfried?

  Maxwell Smart : Chief, you don't understand. 'Ludwig' is the KAOS codename for Siegfried and '9 am on Tuesday' is actually 11 am on Thursday.

  Chief : [glances at watch]  Well it's almost that time now. Max, you'd better get started for the Smithsonian right away.

  Maxwell Smart : Chief, the 'Smithsonian' is the KAOS codename for park.

  Chief : [shouting]  Max, get going right away!

• Maxwell Smart : [the pigeon they are following is in a birdbath at the park]  How do you like this? 20 minutes till doomsday, and he stops to take a bath.

  Starker : I hope that he is not a she.

  Siegfried : What difference does it make, Shtarker?

  Starker : I may be a killer but I am not a peeping Tom.

• Maxwell Smart : The ultimate weapon: kamikaze pigeons.

• A.J. Pfister : Won't you please sign my petition?

  Maxwell Smart : I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American.

• Maxwell Smart : Wait a minute, if you couldn't find Control, how did you know where to find me?

  A.J. Pfister : Oh, I telephoned KAOS and they gave me this address.

• A.J. Pfister : Oh please Mr. Smart, sign my petition.

  Maxwell Smart : Eh... your petition, yes, well, it wouldn't do me any good to sign your petition, Mr. Pfister, you see I'm a spy, and my fountain pen is filled with invisible ink.

• Siegfried : [Max has stopped at a traffic light]  The world, the world is going to be destroyed in another 45 minutes, you schtupid! This is no time to stop for traffic lights!

  Maxwell Smart : Well don't tell that to me, tell it to the pigeon!

  [the pigeon they are following is perched on top of the traffic light] 

• Maxwell Smart : How do you like that? He invented a cuckoo with laryngitis.

• Siegfried : An ingenious device, Shmart. What is it?

  Maxwell Smart : The old long-playing, high frequency, ultrasonic, stereophonic, strike the match against the sounding board trick. Works every time, Siegfried.