- Dr. Jarvis Pym: [about to swallow a deadly poison hidden in a secret compartment in his ring] Well, goodbye, Mr and Mrs Smart.
- Maxwell Smart: Not so fast, Pym. Observe.
- [opens secret compartment in his ring]
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: What's that?
- Maxwell Smart: Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you take that Sodium Calcium Chloride, I'll shove this down your throat. Not the ring, the powder. And you'll be alive again.
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: That's very clever of you, Mr. Smart, but I was prepared. Observe again:
- [opens secret compartment in another ring]
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you bring me back to life, I shall take this and then I shall be permanently disposed of.
- Maxwell Smart: Temporarily permanently disposed of.
- [opens secret compartment on yet another ring]
- Maxwell Smart: You know what's in here?
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: No.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, that makes two of us. What in here, 99?
- Agent 99: Anti-pro-anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you take Sodium Calcium Chloride and Max brings you back to life with Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride and you decide to destroy yourself again with Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride, Max will bring you back to life again with Anti-Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride.
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: Well, that's easy enough for you to say. I've run out of rings.
- Maxwell Smart: Well I'm glad to hear that, it was my turn next.
- Chief: [pushes button on intercom] What is it, Larabee?
- Larabee: [on other line] How did you know it was me, Chief?
- Chief: Never mind that, Larabee, what are you buzzing me for?
- Larabee: The CIA and FBI just called. They want you to tune in on TV channel 51.
- Chief: [breaks off connection] Channel 51, that's the educational spy channel.
- Maxwell Smart: Well, I guess Jarvis Pym will get his fifty million dollars.
- Chief: But that's blackmail, Max, you know what happens when you pay off a blackmailer?
- Maxwell Smart: He gives you a receipt?
- Chief: No, he comes back the next day and asks for more money. Besides, we have no guarantee that if we pay the fifty million, Pym will destroy the drug.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes we do, if he gives us a receipt.
- Maxwell Smart: Of course! The old pestle in the mortar trick.
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: No, the old mortar in the mortar trick.
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: Observe.
- [opens secret compartment in his ring]
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: Sodium Calcium Chloride, do you know what that is?
- Maxwell Smart: An artificial sweetener?
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: No, it's the second most deadly poison in the world.
- Maxwell Smart: What's the first?
- Dr. Jarvis Pym: Artificial sweetener.
- Chief: Just don't get caught. Capture would mean certain death.
- Maxwell Smart: Suicide mission, huh chief? Well, you've picked the right man.
- Chief: I hope so.
- Maxwell Smart: You hope what, that you picked the right man or that it's a suicide mission?