- Agent 99: Are we alone on this assignment?
- General Christian: Oh no, 99, every nation in the world is joining forces in order to do what must be done to stop this madman. Russia is standing by with nuclear submarines.
- Colonel Quinton: Great Britain has offered us air cover.
- Admiral Crichton: South America has offered the knowledge of its top German scientists.
- Colonel Quinton: And Israel is making sandwiches for the trip.
- Chief: [on public phone] General, this is the Chief of Control. I'm in Miami and I won't be able to get out because we're under twelve feet of snow.
- General Christian: [on other line] Oh, that's bad.
- Maxwell Smart: Let me talk to him, Chief.
- [grabs phone]
- Maxwell Smart: Hello General, this is Maxwell Smart. I'm stuck down here too.
- General Christian: But that's good.
- Agent Quigley: Say, eh, how do you stand all that heat in there?
- Agent 44: [stationed inside a burning stove] I'm wearing Bermuda shorts.
- Siegfried: Look Smart, if you had to pick a disguise, why did you have to pick such a dopey looking one?
- Agent Quigley: I'm not Smart from Control.
- Siegfried: Then who are you?
- Agent Quigley: I'm Dopey fr- I'm Quigley from Intelligence.