- Chief: All we know is that they threatened to wipe out the city containing our finest intellectual minds and greatest leaders.
- Maxwell Smart: Well at least Washington is safe.
- Chief: Max, this will undoubtedly be the most dangerous mission you've ever gone on. You probably won't get back alive.
- Maxwell Smart: If you're trying to scare me, Chief, you're wasting your time. I don't know the meaning of the word fear.
- Chief: You'll have to parachute from six thousand feet.
- Maxwell Smart: I think I just learned it.
- Maxwell Smart: [caught in a sand storm] Listen 99, I know this is a long shot, but I gotta ask ya anyway...
- # 99: [shouting to be heard over the storm] What is it, Max?
- Maxwell Smart: You don't happen to have a can of cold beer on ya, do ya?
- # 99: [having just witnessed a nuclear explosion] Oh Max, what a terrible weapon of destruction.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes. You know, China, Russia and France should outlaw all nuclear weapons. We should insist upon it.
- # 99: What if they won't, Max?
- Maxwell Smart: Then we may have to blast them. It's the only way to keep peace in the world.
- Chief: Well, I'm sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night, but we're facing a terrible crisis, the possible destruction of the entire world.
- Maxwell Smart: Well couldn't it have waited until morning?
- # 99: What happened Chief?
- Chief: KAOS has a nuclear bomb.
- Maxwell Smart: Doesn't everybody?
- Chief: Max, have you ever jumped from a plane?
- Maxwell Smart: Yes Chief, once, during the war.
- Chief: When?
- Maxwell Smart: Just before it took off for overseas.
- Carlson: Here something you could eat in case of an emergency.
- Maxwell Smart: Our uniforms?
- Carlson: No, the buttons.
- # 99: [tasting a bit of button] Hmm! Salted. Good!
- Carlson: Yes, well, in extreme heat salt is essential to the diet. But be sure you don't eat the top button of the uniform, 86.
- Maxwell Smart: Why?
- Carlson: It's a geiger-counter. When you come close to where the missiles are buried it will start beeping.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, the old beeping button trick.
- # 99: [Max and 99 wake up in a tent] Max, where are we?
- Maxwell Smart: [looking up to see two veiled women] Heaven?
- # 99: I don't think so.
- Maxwell Smart: Then it must been an Arabian Playboy club.