Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (TV Mini Series)

Skipper the Eyechild (2004)

Richard Ayoade: Dean Learner, Thornton Reed

Quotes 

• Thornton Reed : [after Dagless goes mad trying to save Skipper and in a completely monotonous tone]  Look out, he's got a stick

• Dean Learner : I haven't acted since, some would say I didn't act during, but er, er, those would be unkind people. I did my best.

  Todd Rivers : He couldn't actually interact with, you know, with another actor. I've never seen that before, and I've never seen that since. But I've just seen the tape, and it looks okay, though.

• Thornton Reed : Dag! Any thoughts?

  Dr. Rick Dagless : I... don't know anything about it. Besides, i think there are more important matters at present.

  Thornton Reed : Could you give me an example?

  Dr. Rick Dagless : Like hospital *bloody* hygiene, I went into the gents and there was a big pube stuck to the pipe so i had to use the one in 'E' wing.

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : [interrupting]  It's true! I went there two month-back and there was a piece of shit stuck to the seat!

  Dr. Rick Dagless : Well someones gonna have to pick that pube off the pipe and it ain't gonna be me!

  Dr Liz Asher : [interrupting]  Come on, surely we can talk about something more sanitary!

  Dr. Rick Dagless : [immediately interrupting]  As if your fanny never graced a pan!

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : Whats crawled up your crack?

  Dr. Rick Dagless : She has! Shes *so* up herself!

  [Liz is immediately upset, make-up running down her face. Sanch interrupts...] 

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : You shut your mouth, or so help me god i'll punch your lights out!

  [to Liz] 

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : Dunno what the hell's gotten into him! Come on Liz, i'll help you apply some more make-up.