- Leela: Bender, you can't give up every time you get an axe in the back, or a drill to the face. Now stop scratching your axe hole and get back there.
- Bender: Uh, hey, buddy! Yo! You mind taking your head off?
- The Masked Unit: I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie.
- Bender: Just ask Flabby over here to describe it to you later.
- The Masked Unit: Sir, she is as the factory made her.
- Bender: Well, they should have stop making her about halfway through.
- [Hermes is under the control of a brain slug, which is attached to his head]
- Hermes Conrad: On to new business. Today's mission is for all of you to go to the brain slug planet.
- Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
- Hermes Conrad: Just walk around not wearing a helmet.
- Amy Wong: So how was the Spleef Nebula?
- Hermes Conrad: [With brain slug on head, speaking in monotone] The flight had a stopover at the Brain Slug Planet. Hermes liked is so much he decided to stay of his own free will.
- Fry: Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He has a brain slug on his head!
- Leela: Shh! You're gonna get us all assimilated!
- Amy Wong: Just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.
- Bender: Leela, you gotta help me.
- Leela: If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now, when you do need it?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: What the hell are you talking about?
- Leela: I don't know, but I'm not helping.
- Bender: Fry, throw in the towel! For God's sake, Fry!
- [Fry turns around, a brain slug on his head]
- Fry: Uhhh...
- Hermes Conrad: [still with brain slug] That's exactly what I was thinking.
- [Leela is mad at Bender for skipping practice]
- Bender: Hey! Bender the Offender doesn't need YOU! Bender the Offender doesn't need ANYBODY!
- Robot Floozy: What about us, Mr. The Offender?
- Bender: Well, obviously I need floozies.
- Rich Little: And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest to ever play the game.
- George Foreman's Head: And he didn't look half bad in a tutu.
- Rich Little: That he most certainly did not.
- George Foreman's Head: What?
- Hermes Conrad: [Bender accidentally knocks the brain slug off his head] Thank God I'm free of that nightmare!
- Bender: Sorry, buddy. Here you go.
- [Puts brain slug back]
- Hermes Conrad: [Monotone] Thank you. It was cold down there on the floor.
- Bender: I'm gonna be the greatest Ultimate Robot Fighter ever! Float like a floatbot, sting like an automatic stinging machine.
- George Foreman's Head: This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an eighty-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.
- Rich Little: [imitating Howard Cosell] The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1000 to 0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays 1000 dollars if he wins. Still, very few takers.
- Fry: [at the movie theater] Cool let's see this one!
- [points to "Galaxy Wars"]
- Leela: Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about 'Quizblorg, Quizblorg.'
- Amy Wong: Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? "Planet of the Clams": It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.
- Bender: Who invited you? Let's just see "All My Circuits: The Movie."
- [all mumble in agreement]
- Bender: Good point, Bender!
- Rich Little: I have never seen a spectacle like that in all my years of impersonating a sportscaster.
- George Foreman's Head: It was quite a fight. And, in an interesting side note, as a floating head in a jar, I envy the dead.
- Rich Little: No arguments here.
- Calculon: [In a scene from All My Circuits: The Movie] Well, that finishes this paperwork
- [Phone rings]
- Calculon: Calculon Enterprises.
- Monique: Calculon, an exciting fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse! Come quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway!
- Calculon: I have no choice but to...
- [Screen freezes]
- Mr. Moviefone: If you want Calculon to race to the laser gun battle in his hover-Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.
- Fry: What the hell's going on?
- Leela: Movies are interactive now, Fry. You get to choose exactly how you want them to surprise you.
- [Fry presses button one on his armrest]
- Mr. Moviefone: You have pressed two.
- Fry: No, I didn't.
- Mr. Moviefone: I'm almost positive you did. Please wait while I tabulate the votes. There has been a filibuster. To force a floor vote, press one.
- Fry: Interactivity sucks. If they expect me to choose, one of the options better be a naked werewolf attack.
- Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.
- George Foreman's Head: This is as good a time as any to bring up my new grill, for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth.
- Amy Wong: Fry, where's your brain slug?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [picks up the now dead brain slug off the floor, and starts caressing it] Poor little guy starved to death.
- [Leela is fighting her old teacher Phnog]
- Master Phnog: You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher!
- Newsreader: Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld - Newly-crowned Miss Universe, Gladys Lennox, entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!
- Master Fnog: No girl has the will of the warrior. You have the will of the housewife, or at best the schoolmarm.
- Referee: In this corner, from Mom's Old Fashioned Robot Factory in America's heartland - Mexico - Bender! And in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, the Clear Cutter!
- [George Foreman introduces his fat-draining grill]
- George Foreman: With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth.
- [Hermes is under the control of a brain slug, which is attached to his head]
- Hermes Conrad: On to new business. Today's mission is to go to the brain slug planet.
- Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
- Hermes Conrad: Nothing. Just walk around not wearing a helmet.
- [Fry, Bender and Leela are sihouetted against a movie screen, a la _"Mystery Science Theater 3000"]
- Fry: [sarcastic] Oh, this is REALLY futuristic.
- [Camera pans to reveal Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, also silhouetted]
- Crow T. Robot: Shhhh. No talking during the movie.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [Sitting on the front row, staring at the wall under the screen] Down in front!
- George Foreman: This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an eighty-foot tall mechanical Joe Frazier. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.
- [Leela is fighting her old teacher Fnog]
- Fnog: You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher!