Futurama (TV Series)

A Head in the Polls (1999)

Katey Sagal: Turanga Leela

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Nixon's Head : That's it! You're all going to jail, and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy, Ford.

  Turanga Leela : You'll never pardon anyone because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were in your time.

  Richard Nixon's Head : Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but the average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become more bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years. And when I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!

  [laughs] 

  Fry : Well, he lost my vote.

• Fry : Why would Nixon stay at Watergate?

  Turanga Leela : They give you discounts if you've stayed here before.

• Fry : If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown.

  Turanga Leela : You're not registered?

  Fry : Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

  Turanga Leela : That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

  Bender : Ah, yes. John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters by pledging not to go on a killing spree.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

• Scoop Chang : Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice.

  Richard Nixon's Head : That's right, no *body*.

  [Reveals that he has on Bender's body] 

  Richard Nixon's Head : But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

  [Starts dancing] 

  Turanga Leela : Bender, he has your body!

  Bender : That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon?

• Turanga Leela : There's a political debate on. Change the channel.

  Bender : That's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

• Richard Nixon's Head : I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, how I loved it.

  Fry : I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course it was tough love, but...

  Turanga Leela : [Elbows Fry]  Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

• Bender : It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five cent deposit.

  Fry : No way! I'm not letting my best friend get recycled! Not for five cents, not for five hundred cents! Leela, I've got a plan!

  Leela : I've got a better plan.