- Leela: Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.
- Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?
- Leela: Let's just say we've crossed paths.
- Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: We'll just set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, holeish thing.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Thank God there're plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.
- [Camera pulls back to show Farnsworth dressed in a kid's sailor outfit and holding a lollipop]
- [Fry and Leela pretend to be involved to ward off Zapp]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: But as a gentleman, I must warn you, if you so much as glance at another woman, I'll be on Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kiff, I'm feeling the "captain's itch".
- Lt. Kif Kroker: I'll get the powder, sir.
- [Zapp Brannigan has just piloted the Titanic straight into the path of a black hole]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.
- Lt. Kif Kroker: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.
- [Zapp runs off]
- Bender: Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You gotta' give me a do-over.
- Craps dealer: Sorry - the house limit is three do-overs.
- Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: No.
- Kif Kroker: It's an emergency, sir.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.
- [a huge rumbling is heard]
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Oh, very well.
- [when Zapp altered the Titanic's route to make it more "interesting"]
- Lt. Kif Kroker: [as asteroids are flying by the bridge] Do you remember that "course correction" you made, sir?
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: [meaning it] No.
- Lt. Kif Kroker: [Captain Zapp Brannigan wants to change the flight course] This is a pleasure cruise. Our path is decided by the travel agency.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair.
- [Draws a meandering line on the chart]
- Lt. Kif Kroker: But that leads us straight through a comet field.
- Captain Zapp Brannigan: Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing off one after another at breakneck speed, we can create a gravity boost, or something.
- Countess De La Roca: I am surprised to find another robot in first class. Usually, the only robots I meet on a cruise ship are laborers.
- Bender: I can assure you, I hardly know the meaning of the word labor.
- Countess De La Roca: Bender, you risked your life to save me.
- Bender: And I'd do it again, and maybe even a third time! But that would be it.
- Fry: Don't cry, Bender. No one really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, professor?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, sure. Absolutely.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [Whispers to Zoidberg] Not a chance.
- [Mimes slashing his throat and being hanged]
- Bender: Wait a minute. Aren't you a member of the yacht club?
- Countess De La Roca: Why, yes. I'm a third-class yacht.
- Turanga Leela: [sighing in disappointment] Not Zapp Brannigan!
- Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?
- Turanga Leela: Let's just say we crossed paths.
- Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?