- Danny Tanner: Kimmy, did you handcuff my daughters together?
- Kimmy Gibbler: Boy, nothing gets by you.
- Joey Gladstone: Jess, you don't understand. Patty was THE one. I was gonna ask her to marry me.
- Danny Tanner: Until she walked out on you. No phone call. No goodbye.
- Joey Gladstone: She left me a note.
- Danny Tanner: On her new boyfriend's stationary. Face it, Joey. She just ripped out your heart, and threw it on the ground... and did the Mexican hat dance on it.
- Danny Tanner: Jesse, I am about to make you a very happy man. According to your short form, you were getting back a measly... $352 tax refund. But thanks to using the long form, you are now entitled to... Pay the government $48.17.
- Jesse Katsopolis: I have to pay? I've been up all night with you. Haven't I paid enough?