- Sandra Greene: You thought I was Rachel?
- Chandler Bing: Yes we did because you look so young.
- Phoebe Buffay: And because you're both, you know, white women.
- Monica Geller: [Joey is staring at Monica's breasts] Joey, they're not real!
- [Joey pays attention]
- Monica Geller: I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok? They're fake. See?
- [Monica squeezes one of her breasts]
- Monica Geller: Honk, honk!
- Chandler Bing: [pause] Wow, it's like porno for clowns!
- Phoebe Buffay: I have the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake?
- Monica Geller: We're not having cake. We're having flan.
- Chandler Bing: Excuse me?
- Monica Geller: It's a festive custard Mexican dessert.
- Joey Tribbiani: Great idea. "Happy birthday, Rachel! Here's some goo!"
- Rachel Green: Thank you for my beautiful earrings. They're perfect. I love you.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Now, you can exchange them if you want, ok?
- Rachel Green: Now I love you even more.
- Dr. Ross Geller: How was your sister's graduation?
- Rachel Green: It was the graduation ceremony from Hell.
- Chandler Bing: You know, my cousin attended Hell on a football scholarship.
- [Gunther tries to leave Monica's party]
- Monica Geller: [calls] Gunther! Where are you going?
- Gunther: I um... was sort of thinking about maybe...
- Monica Geller: [insisting] No! No you can't go!
- [Monica goes up to Gunther and pulls him away from the door]
- Monica Geller: [insisting] No! This is fun! Come on! We're just getting started! Here! Here's your marker!
- [Monica gives Gunther a marker and walks away as Phoebe comes over]
- Phoebe Buffay: [gently assuring] If you wanna go, just go.
- Gunther: No. She'll yell at me again.
- Phoebe Buffay: Alright. I can get you out.
- Gunther: What?
- Phoebe Buffay: Shhh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
- Monica Geller: OK. The first person's most embarrassing memory is...
- [Monica takes a piece of paper out of a hat]
- Monica Geller: [reading] "Monica your party sucks."
- [Monica forces a laugh]
- Monica Geller: [sarcastically] Very funny.
- [Monica is about to take out another piece of paper when Phoebe turns to the table near the window]
- Phoebe Buffay: [pretending to act concerned] Oh no! Ooh! Did someone forget to use a coaster?
- Monica Geller: [shocked] WHAT?
- [Monica goes over to the table and Phoebe gestures to Gunther who nods and quickly leaves the apartment]
- Monica Geller: [looks at the table and then at Phoebe] I don't see anything.
- Phoebe Buffay: [sarcastically] Great. I'm seeing water rings again.
- [Monica is hosting her party, but the guests are clearly not enjoying themselves]
- Monica Geller: I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back *on* them... because they will dry out.
- [Phoebe is quietly talking with three of the guests at Monica's party]
- Phoebe Buffay: OK. She's taking the trash out... so I can get you out of here but it has to be now. She'll be back any minute.
- Guest: What about my friend Victor?
- Phoebe Buffay: No. Only the three of you. Any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
- Guest: Let me just get my coat.
- Phoebe Buffay: [insisting] There isn't *time*. Just leave everything. They'll take care of you next door.
- [the guests show agreement]
- Guest: [interested] Is it true they have beer?
- Phoebe Buffay: Everything you've heard is true.
- [the guests like the sound of that]
- [at Joey and Chandler's party, loud music is playing, the guests are dancing and there's an open pizza box with a partly eaten pizza on a table]
- Monica Geller: [holding a black bin bag] Could you guys please try to keep it down? We're trying to start a Bovril Tournament!
- [Joey and Chandler look at each other and burst out laughing and Monica recognizes some of the dancing guests]
- Monica Geller: [shocked] You! And *you*! You're supposed to be at *my* party!
- [the dancing guests look uneasy but continue dancing and Gunther appears]
- Monica Geller: [very shocked] And *Gunther*!
- [Gunther looks down and Monica is in sheer disbelief]
- Monica Geller: [incredulous] *What* are you doing here?
- Gunther: [trying to sound positive] Um...
- [Gunther indicates the other dancing guests and continues dancing as Phoebe arrives with three guests from Monica's party]
- Phoebe Buffay: [opens the door] OK! Welcome to the fo...
- [Phoebe sees Monica and stops]
- Monica Geller: [disbelief] Phoebe...?
- Phoebe Buffay: [making her point] Alright! I'm sorry! But these people *needed* me! You know they work hard all week! It's Saturday night! They deserve to have a little fun! Go!
- [the guests join the dancers]
- Monica Geller: [making her point] *My* party is fun! Well maybe it's a little quieter, less *obvious* sort of fun, but you know if people would just give a chance it's a w...
- [a volleyball hits Monica on the back of her head and she turns around looking very stern]