Friends (TV Series)

The One with the Lottery (2003)

Matt LeBlanc: Joey Tribbiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey Tribbiani : Well before, with the wishbone, I didn't wish we would win the lottery. I wished you'd get the job.

  Chandler Bing : Oh yeah? Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart out.

• [last lines] 

  Joey Tribbiani : [meets up with the friends at Central Perk]  Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline. Can you believe it? *Nobody* won.

  Phoebe Buffay : Um, I beg to differ.

  [Phoebe holds up a plate with two muffins] 

  Gunther : [passes by]  Maybe nobody won the *jackpot*, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found a ticket on the street, right outside and won $10,000.

  [Gunther walks off, Monica sighs in disbelief and she, Chandler, Joey and Ross look at Phoebe] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [hides her mouth with her mug and speaks in a soft voice]  Coo. OK. Don't blame the pretty lady. It's not her fault. It was me, the pigeon. Coo.

  [Phoebe lowers her mug, sees that Monica, Chandler, Joey and Ross are still looking at her and hides her mouth again with her mug] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [soft voice]  Seriously, stop staring at her.

  [Joey looks around for the pigeon and Phoebe continues sipping her drink] 

• Rachel Green : [to Monica]  All right! Believe me, if you win the Lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!

  Dr. Ross Geller : [in agreement]  Hmm-mm.

  Monica Geller-Bing : [offended]  Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'll look *just like you*!

  [Joey and Rachel gasp] 

  Rachel Green : [picks up the bowl containing the tickets]  All right! You know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets!

  Joey Tribbiani : [takes the bowl from Rachel]  Yeah! I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks and Steffi Graf! Ha! Ha!

  Dr. Ross Geller : [grabs the bowl from Joey]  Then I want mine too and if I win, I'm gonna put it *all* in a very low yield bond!

  Phoebe Buffay : [gets up]  You guys, we gotta keep all the tickets *together*!

  [Phoebe takes the tickets from Chandler, then takes the bowl from Ross and puts the tickets in] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [takes the bowl from Phoebe]  No! No! We should divide them up and I should get extra because we used *my* car to buy them!

  Joey Tribbiani : [angrily walks over to Monica and takes the bowl from her]  Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This whole thing was my idea!

  Chandler Bing : [sarcastically]  Oh yeah! Thanks for *inventing* the Lottery!

• Rachel Green : [impatiently walks over to Joey]  That's it! Just give 'em to me and I'll split them up!

  [Rachel pinches Joey and takes the bowl from him, but Phoebe suddenly screams, takes the bowl from Rachel and starts running] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : [to Phoebe]  Hey! Hey!

  [Phoebe screams at Ross, who puts his fingers in his ears as she runs past him and stops near the window next to the secret closet] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [exasperated]  I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!

  [Phoebe runs to the window] 

  Rachel Green : [calls]  OK! If she jumps, I get her tickets!

  [Phoebe climbs though the open window onto the balcony as the friends run to the window] 

  Phoebe Buffay : If we're not doing this together, we're not doing it at all! Say goodbye to your tickets.

  [Phoebe holds the bowl over the side of the balcony] 

  Monica Geller-Bing , Rachel Green , Chandler Bing , Dr. Ross Geller , Joey Tribbiani : [stuck in the open window]  No! No! No! No!

  Phoebe Buffay : [warning]  Do not come any closer!

  Chandler Bing : Can I come a little bit closer? Valuable things are getting squished.

  Phoebe Buffay : [very firmly]  Now what's more important? Your friends or money?

  Rachel Green , Chandler Bing , Dr. Ross Geller , Joey Tribbiani : Friends!

  Monica Geller-Bing : Money!

  [everyone looks at Monica] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [trying to look innocent]  Friends.