Friends (TV Series)

The One with Phoebe's Husband (1995)

Courteney Cox: Monica Geller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Monica : I saw you eat a cheeseburger!

  [Everyone gasps] 

  Monica : Well, didn't you?

  Phoebe : I might have.

  Monica : I can't believe you didn't tell me.

  Phoebe : C'mon. Like you tell me everything?

  Monica : What haven't I told you?

  Phoebe : Oh I don't know. How about the fact that the underwear out on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace!

  [Everyone runs to the window to look] 

  Monica : Who told you that?

  [Looks at Chandler] 

  Monica : You are dead meat.

  Chandler : I didn't know if was a big secret.

  Monica : Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of the same as, I don't know, a third nipple!

  Phoebe : [Gasps]  You have a third nipple?

  Chandler : [to Monica]  You bitch!

  Ross : Whip it out! Whip it out!

  Chandler : No. C'mon! There's nothing to see. It's a tiny bump. It's totally useless.

  Rachel : As opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?

  Joey : I can't believe you! You told me it was a nubbin!

  Ross : Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?

  Joey : I don't know. You see something, you hear a word. I thought that was it. Let me see it again!

  Ross : Yes! Show us your nubbin!

  Chandler : [Doesn't know what to say while everyone comes at him]  Joey was in a porno movie!

  [Everyone gasps. Joey is shocked Chandler would say that] 

  Chandler : If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.

• Rachel : [in a childish, nasal voice]  Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special!

  [normal voice] 

  Rachel : What, does she go put an outfit on at night and go out and fight crime?

  Monica : Look, honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now. You're just going to have to get over it.

  Rachel : Oh! I'm gonna have to get over it! See, I didn't know that's what I have to do! I just have to get over it! Oh, I'm gonna have to write that down on my hand.

• Chandler : [about Joey's cameo in a porn movie]  What's this in my pocket? It's Joey's porn video!

  Rachel : C'mon guys; let's not watch it. Porn is degrading to women and degrading to females and... help me out, Monica.

  Monica : Are you kidding? I want to see Joey!

  Chandler : [the porn video takes place in an office]  *That* is the damnedest typing test I have ever seen.

  Rachel : Wow, I hope she gets the job.

  Ross : I'd say he is the one getting *the job*.