Friends (TV Series)

The One Where Rachel Finds Out (1995)

Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chandler : [with cavemen vibe]  Men are here.

  Joey : We make fire. Cook meat.

  Chandler : Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.

• [talking to Ross] 

  Joey : ...I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man.

  Chandler : I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.

• Chandler : [Rachel is opening presents on her birthday] 

  [pointing out a gift] 

  Chandler : OK, this one right here is from me.

  Rachel : [picks it up]  OK... ah, it's light...

  [shakes it] 

  Rachel : ... it rattles... it's...

  [opens it] 

  Rachel : Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you!

  [she gives it back to him] 

  Rachel : [Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift]  This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...

  [opens it] 

  Rachel : ... it's a book!

  Phoebe : Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!

  Joey : [to Rachel]  That book got me through some tough times.

  Melanie : There is a little child inside this man!

  Chandler : Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.

  Rachel : [Rachel picks up the next gift]  Who's this from?

  Chandler : Oh, that's Ross's.

  Rachel : Oh...

  [opens it] 

  Rachel : ...

  [sees it is a pin] 

  Rachel : Oh my God. He remembered.

  Phoebe : Remembered what?

  Rachel : It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!

  Chandler : Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?

  [pats his Travel Scrabble game] 

  Phoebe : Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.

  Monica , Rachel : I can't believe he did this.

  Chandler : Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?

  Rachel : [Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel]  What did you just say?

  Chandler : [panicked]  ahem... um... Crystal duck.

  Rachel : No, no, no... the, um, the... 'love' part?

  Chandler : [stuttering incoherently]  F-hah... flennin...

  Rachel : Oh... my God.

  Chandler : [rubbing his temples]  Oh, no no no no no...

  Joey : [pats Chandler on the leg]  That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.

• Joey : Well, the tough thing is she really wants to have sex with me.

  Chandler : Crazy bitch...

  Joey : Ya, well, i still got a week left to go in the program and according to the rules if i wanna get the money i am not allowed to conduct any personal experiments, if you know what i mean.

  Monica : Joey! We always know what you mean.

• Phoebe : [after the revelation was inadvertently made to Rachel]  Uh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever going to be the same ever again!

  Chandler : Is there a mute button on this woman?