- Bob Eubanks: What is the capital of Ohio?
- [Tyriq buzzes in]
- Bob Eubanks: Tyriq.
- Tyriq: That would be the capital "O", Bob.
- William 'Will' Smith: You're not still mad at each other about the watch thing?
- Tyriq: He sold me a fake Rolex.
- Jazz: You paid with a fake twenty.
- William 'Will' Smith: Now first of all
- [turns to Tyriq]
- William 'Will' Smith: you should have known it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours.
- [turns to Jazz]
- William 'Will' Smith: And you should have known that the Jackson on a twenty ain't Jermaine.
- Bob Eubanks: Will and Jazz, if you would please, take your places in our soundproof booth.
- William 'Will' Smith: Wait. That joint ain't gonna fill up with water or nothin', Bob, is it?
- Bob Eubanks: Not this week.
- Philip Banks: The sink is busted, and I'm trying to fix it, Will.
- William 'Will' Smith: Wait, Wait, Uncle Phil, no. Geoffrey's eyebrows just grew back from the time you tried to fix the stove, man.
- Vivian Banks: [when Will is going to be on a game show] Who's gonna be your partner?
- William 'Will' Smith: Kellogg Liberbaum. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00 that is if Uncle Phil doesn't try to fix it.
- Philip Banks: That's it! The next person to mention the phone gets a boot in their behind!
- Jazz: [walks in] Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
- [scene goes to Jazz getting thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil]
- Jazz: Aaahhh!
- Carlton: You see, what Will is trying to say is, and let me choose my words carefully...
- [pause]
- Carlton: You guys are stupid!
- Will: Look, that is *not* what I'm trying to say!
- [to Jazz and Ty]
- Will: Look, it's like this, y'all. It's like, with Carlton...
- [to Carlton]
- Will: Carlton, who is Captain Kangaroo's friend?
- Carlton: Mr. Green Jeans...
- Will: How many players on a cricket team?
- Carlton: Eleven...
- Will: Letters not on a phone dial?
- Carlton: "Q" and "Z"...
- Will: Best Picture, 1936?
- Carlton: The Great Ziegfeld...
- Will: The third wife of Julius Caesar?
- Carlton: Calpurnia...
- Will: [turns back to Jazz and Ty] You see?
- Tyriq: [after a long pause] Yeah, I see. You think we're stupid!
- Jazz: [sarcastically towards Will] Well, I guess I better be going but I guess I'm too *stupid* to find the door!