Frasier (TV Series)

Voyage of the Damned (1997)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Roz Doyle : [Roz, Martin and Frasier are trapped in Maris' bathroom. Looking through the keyhole]  I don't see Maris. Maybe she left.

  [she looks again] 

  Roz Doyle : No, wait. She's still there. I see her coat on a hatrack.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Look again, very carefully. Did it move?

  [Roz gives Frasier a horrified look at the realization she was seeing Maris] 

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Dear God! You've booked me on a floating Gong Show!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Latin singing sensation, Carlos, the Barracuda, del Gato?

  Roz Doyle : Don't you remember him from the 70's? He invented that big dance craze, the Barracuda.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Believe it or not, Maris was a big fan of his.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, that was the one dance she could do. The hustle was too strenuous. She had no booty to shake.

• Carlos Del Gato : Buenos noches. Habla espanol?

  Roz Doyle : Uh, not really.

  Carlos Del Gato : Is no matter. I am sure you are schooled in the... international language.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh yes, Roz, say something amusing in Esperanto!

• Daphne Moon : [coming out from her bedroom dressed in a robe]  Hello, Dr. Crane.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, hello, Daphne. Looking very... comfortable for afternoon.

  Daphne Moon : I just love days like this... nowhere to go, nothing to do... though I have this sneaking suspicion I've forgotten something.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Like getting dressed?

  Daphne Moon : [looking out the window]  Oh, I could watch the rain for hours. Of course, when I was a little girl, I hated the rain. Stuck inside, couldn't go out and play. But my mum always said, "enjoy it while you can, there'll be no water in hell." Of course, that was her answer for everything. "Eat your veggies, there'll be no Brussels sprouts in hell... have a lie-down, there'll be no naps in hell..."

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Daphne, you know I am a therapist, if you'd like to talk about this sometime.

  Daphne Moon : About what?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Nothing.

  Daphne Moon : I wish I could remember what it is I forgot to do. Oh well, you know what they say - if you can't remember, it probably wasn't important anyway.

  [at that moment, a furious Martin comes in, soaking wet from the rain] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Dad!

  Daphne Moon : [realizing]  Oh no!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [getting up from the piano stool]  You are dripping!

  Martin : Yeah, that's what'll happen when you're standing out on the corner waiting for your ride!

  Daphne Moon : Mr. Crane, I am so sorry!

  Daphne Moon : What the hell were you thinking?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Venting these emotions is all well and good, Dad, but I just had these floors waxed!

  [Frasier takes Martin's coat and hands him a towel, rushes to lay down a newspaper] 

  Martin : [to Daphne]  I said four o'clock on the corner of Second and Bell.

  Daphne Moon : Well, you should have called me!

  Martin : Well, I was afraid if I went looking for a phone I'd miss you!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [dripping wet, Eddie enters and shakes water everywhere]  Oh God, he's wet too! Stop! Stop! Damn him! Daphne... Daphne get this canine sprinkler out of here!

• Roz Doyle : Hey, some ship, huh? How's your stateroom?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'd hardly call it a "stateroom." Wouldn't even call it a room, but I don't know the nautical term for "broom closet with sconces." How's yours?

  Roz Doyle : [Shuts her door quickly behind her]  The same. Worse, even. I'm sure you have a better view from your porthole than I do.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You have a porthole?

  Roz Doyle : What's the difference? A cabin's just a place to shower and change your clothes.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You have a shower? All I have is a nozzle and a floor drain. It took me an hour before I put those two things together!

• Roz Doyle : [speaking of Maris]  I have to admit, I'm kind of curious to meet her. You know, in all these years, I've never actually seen her face?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I haven't seen her most recent one, so this'll be a new experience for both of us.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I know exactly what you're going to say. You're going to say I should mind my own business and keep my big bazoo shut.

  Martin : I was gonna say "fat yap", but you're in the ballpark.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [describing Maris]  Roz, the woman has virtually no pigmentation! Three minutes in the sun, she'd sear like an Ahi tuna!