Frasier (TV Series)
The Show Where Woody Shows Up (1999)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Quotes
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Dr. Niles Crane : Oh. I take it you had a whiz-bang time at the karaoke bar?
Dr. Frasier Crane : For starters, Woody sang "What Kind Of Fool Am I?". Then Gil and Noel did a charming duet, "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better." They were both wrong. I guess the highlight of the evening was when Gil, after one too many Kir Royales, performed a haunting rendition of "I Feel Pretty," during the latter verses of which Noel joined him on the apron of the stage and translated into Klingon.
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Roz Doyle : [on Noel] He's been acting so weird lately.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Lately? May I remind you this is the man required by law to stay at least 100 yards away from William Shatner?
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Dr. Frasier Crane : So, what brings you to Seattle, huh?
Woody Boyd : Oh, My cousin's getting married.
Dr. Niles Crane : Which is your cousin, the bride or the groom?
Woody Boyd : Well, actually, both are.
Dr. Niles Crane : I guess they're kissing cousins.
Woody Boyd : [chuckles] Oh they're more than that, that's why they gotta get married.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Really Woody, there's nothing to worry about. I know my life may seem rather dreary to you but ah, it's really quite enjoyable. In fact, it's even a lot of fun. I love my life now, honestly. You know what, I wouldn't trade my years at Cheers for anything, but I am very happy with my life the way it is today.
Woody Boyd : [incredulous] You mean it?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. That's what makes this conversation so ironic. You see, you see my life as some sort of middle-aged compromise and, well just the other day I was thinking about your life. And all I could think was...
Woody Boyd : What?
Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier pauses, knowing that telling Woody exactly what he thinks won't help anyone. He then realizes another truth] How lucky you are. You see, you've found where you belong and you've made your home there. I guess for some of us it just takes longer than others.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Woody is hiding from Frasier in the men's room] Woody. Come out of there, please.
Woody Boyd : [from behind the door] No hablo ingles.
Dr. Frasier Crane : I don't understand this.
Woody Boyd : It means I don't speak English.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [to Woody who's visiting] Well, Woody, I thought that tonight we would just maybe stay in... Order some pizza...?
Woody Boyd : Sounds good by me!
Dr. Frasier Crane : Okay... Great... I'll just call the place around the corner. Niles...? You, uh... gonna join us...?
Dr. Niles Crane : Why not? Be fun to drink some beer and have some pizza with a couple o' rapscallions...
Woody Boyd : Oh, hey, if you don't mind, could we make that half rapscallions, half pepperoni..?
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Audrey : So, Dr. Crane, I don't see why I should fix the dress when my sister can't even fit into it anymore.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Audrey, you borrowed the dress, you tore it. As an old Greek haberdasher once said, "Euripedes, Eumenides."
Audrey : What?
Dr. Frasier Crane : It's a little joke on the ancient dramatist Euripedes and the mythological Furies.
Audrey : What?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Just fix the dress. We'll be back after the weather.
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Dr. Niles Crane : [to Frasier] I'm going to an oboe recital and I thought you might want to join me.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I'm sorry, Niles. An old friend of mine came in from out of town, and I invited him to come over this evening.
Dr. Niles Crane : Well, have him join us. I'm sure we can get three seats together.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Ah well, I'm not sure an oboe recital's what I had in mind, I was thinking of something a little more raucous.
Dr. Niles Crane : Well, if it's raucous you're looking for, we could go and get a nightcap at the piano bar at the Mayflower Hotel. It's Jerome Kern night! Last time people were shouting out requests without raising their hands!
