- Dr. Niles Crane: Guess what I have. Two tickets to the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: The Orpheus! Oh Niles, nobody handles Handel like they handle Handel.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I took her to the opera last week. Halfway through "Das Rheingold" she fell asleep.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Astonishing.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, well, it gets worse. She snorted in her sleep, and startled Wotan, causing him to drop his spear on an unsuspecting gnome.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [answering his phone] Hello? Niles, you're forty minutes late! Listen, I've just finished my third basket of bread, and there is an angry mob breathing down my neck. What? Oh, you've torn your trouser cuff, I'm so sorry. For God's sakes, will you hurry it up! More hemming, less hawing!
- Dr. Niles Crane: I brought a little peace offering.
- Martin Crane: Bribe.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Dad, it's from Smokey Mountain Farms. Five different meats in one big box!
- Martin Crane: Not the Slaughterhouse Five.
- Dr. Niles Crane: They don't make a Slaughterhouse Three.
- Luke Parker: You know what's ironic?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hmm?
- Luke Parker: If I had met you separately from Roz, this wouldn't even be an issue.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, it wouldn't. You know, the truth is our friendship does exist independently of her.
- Luke Parker: That's true. I mean, if you take Roz out of the equation, does our friendship disappear?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It shouldn't. Of course, for Roz's sake, we'll have to keep this between ourselves.
- Luke Parker: No need to rub it in her face.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Agreed. But, uh, for the record, I do not condone your behavior.
- Luke Parker: I wouldn't expect you to.