Frasier (TV Series)

The Last Time I Saw Maris (1995)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : [Calling in a missing person report]  Thin... make that very thin. Caucasian, very Caucasian.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Niles is gone and has left a note]  'Dear Frasier, Dad, and Daphne, by the time you get up and find this note, I'll be gone. Thank you all for your love and support, but I don't want to be a burden anymore. Love, Niles'.

  Daphne Moon : Oh dear... you don't think...

  Martin Crane : Of course not. We know my gun is still locked up, and the balcony doors are still locked.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, and Daphne's shepherd pie is still in the fridge.

• Martin Crane : Mike ran a check on Maris's credit cards, there's been a whole bunch of charges in New York.

  Niles : Oh, God. She's been kidnapped. Someone's using her credit cards.

  Martin Crane : [into phone]  Yeah, O.K., slow down. Armani... Valentino... Cartier... Tiffany...

  Niles : Any restaurants?

  Martin Crane : [into the phone]  Any restaurants?

  [to Niles] 

  Martin Crane : Not a one.

  Niles : [springing up with joy]  She's alive!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, Niles! You're certain!

  Niles : Oh, yes! From that list, she's recreating her infamous "Sakes alive, I'm thirty-five" shopping spree!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, you've just been through a very traumatic experience here and you are deep in denial here. You are going through some very extreme emotions right now, and rather than feeling them, you're denying they even exist.

  Niles : I'm not denying my feelings. I'm so in tune with my emotions I was able to move through them quickly. In fact, I've logged them all in my journal.

  [He takes out a small notebook and reads from it] 

  Niles : Let's see, where are we? Here...

  [reading] 

  Niles : "Awake, 5:00 AM: Blissful confusion. Something's happened, but what? 5:01: Ah, yes. An overwhelming sense of emptiness and despair. 5:07..."--this one's hard to read... oh, right!--"Wept uncontrollably. 6:15: All cried out. Hungry now. Ate entire box of Frosted Flakes, they're gr-r-r-reat!"

  [closes journal] 

  Niles : So don't you tell ME I'm not in touch with my emotions!

  Martin Crane : [Niles exits]  9:45: Get out the butterfly net.